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[tbart01]

Ragman, what do you ultimately want for your marriage? I aslo found out while I was deployed that my W wanted to D me.

I have found out through many trials and many failures that things are never too far gone. I too had flaws that I recognized and set out to fix.

While I was deployed i looked at myself as a person. I recognized them and improved myself immensely. I also learned that no matter what I said to my W it didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was showing her through action was all that she would see.

With that being said, you can't do and action to get a reaction. The changes and the things you do have to be genuine and not forced.

I turned my focus to my children and myself. My children became the number one priority and myself second. I had to put the M on the back burner because it was something she clearly wasn't interested in repairing at the time.

We tried MC and it hepled us to communicate our issues, but the D path still remained. It wasnt until I stoped bugging her and wanting to talk about things all the time that she started to see my changes.

I had to take the pressure of the R and focus on myself. that's what you need to do is focus on you and the kids. No amount of words can bring them back like your actions or inactions can.

I also learned that you somehow need to put the past behind you (something she needs to do as well), and live for today. You obviously can't change the past, but you can change the future by being better in the present.

I hope some of this makes sense, and some of the advice will seem counter-productive. these people have drilled these things into my head, but I didn't see it. It wasn't until I started to follow the advice from this site and DB that things began to turn around.

I have been home for 4 months now, and my W is just now wanting to drop the D. it isn't because of anything that I said to her. It was the changes she's observed in my everyday behavior.

This takes patience, and allot of strenghth to help you through. Refer to this site often. Someone will help stear you I promise.