How to tell if there is an A

[DumpedforMIL]

Yep... He sided with himself.. He isnt' leaving you for his parents.. he's just not grown up yet my dear...

i never thought of it that way - he sided with himself.

here i was .. on the infidelity boards because i've heard from many that most LBS here have a WAS who is involved in an EA/PA. many who don't think so are in denial or have their heads buried in the sand. so i asked myself, is my head buried in the sand? could i be in denial? and that's how this thread got started. you helped me a lot.

never in our marriage did i ever tell him to grow up. but when he dropped the d-bomb, i told him that he was running away from the issues rather than being a man and trying to fix it. finally, i told him he needed to grow up. his comeback? "right back at you". very mature. i rolled my eyes.

I am not saying give up on him, but I would stay separate untli you can see he can self-manage...

i don't want to give up on him. but i think i can help him but not coddle him. and yeah, i would stay separated. but my goodness, he couldn't even pack his portion of the home himself. his mommy flew in and packed for him. he didn't need to lift a finger. me? i'm the turtle who planned and prepared, right? life will throw things at me and there is no time to cry. you have to hit the ground running and that's what i did.

Right now he's still a child... He never let go of his parents, he never learned to self-manage.. He runs to them whenever he's in crisis... Children do that... not adults

i hope he read this thread. cuz you don't know how many times i heard that one.