Going straight forward...antlers 6th thread.

[iwantittowork]

Hey Ant,

It is good to catch back up with your sitch, and see that you are doing well! In reading your last few pages, you sound like you are getting to a good place.

Just some thoughts on your recent post.

I don't think that 'reliving' the past with a potential new mate is necessary. It might even come across as still being emotionally invested in it, instead of having 'let it go'.

I don't feel you have to 'relive' your past, nor do you have to regret it, as you can't change it. What you can do, though is use your past to shape your future, something I think you are doing now. I am going to call it 'experience' Recalling it, even fondly at times does not necessarily mean you have not 'let it go' but that you have accepted it for what it is. Your past. Uniquely yours, and what has built the current Ant.

Most people aren't interested in the details, and it's not necessary for them to know them.

Some may not be, and other's may. Some may want to know what makes the 'real' Ant, and those details may be part of it. Don't fear opening up to people, it's called 'intimacy' for a reason, and sharing deep, profound feelings with someone whom you care for, and whom cares for you can take a relationship, romantic or not, to deeper levels.

I will say that it's hard for me to imagine, at this point, caring for another the way I cared for her. Being with someone, and enjoying their company...yeah, I can see that. But caring for another the way I cared for her...I don't see it.

Understandable, but never say never. The way I look at my past with STBXW, why would I want to have the same caring/relationship? That didn't work out at all, but maybe I can have a different, and even better one in the future.

(PS, I have already had some of this above, and truly enjoying things in ways I didn't think were possible just a year ago..)

Take care Ant, hope to keep caught up with you!