I'm not so bummed about the dog really. It wasn't mine, though I gave it the most care and affection. I'm bummed about the girls though.
I really don't know if I want my wife back. There are some traits that I've ignored for 13 years that I really don't like.
Doubting our chances is just accepting the sitch for what it is. Right now, our M is dead. When we're apart, and both of us have had time to really think about life apart, then perhaps we can try to find out about the other person again. Date or something. But I'm no fool, there's a lot of baggage, hurt and differing expectations.
Who knows.
I'm going to keep on focusing on me. I'm down to 192, 48lbs off my peak weight. My faith is getting stronger everyday, I'm able to face tough choices and decisions without letting my emotions drive everything. I'm becoming a better father, and trying to enjoy life more.
Tonight the whole family is going to go see our local minor league baseball team play. It's always a fun event, the first time, by oldest almost got hit by a foul ball as we left early. She still has that ball.
Last night, my wife said something that for me will be a real 180. She said that I get afraid of something, then I withdraw. She commented that I was doing that a lot now (misreading my GAL). So I told her that she really wanted me to withdraw, and that I was doing that to respect her wishes.
So I'm not going to withdraw so much. I'm still going to GAL, but I'm not going to screen my calls, or do any of the other things I've been doing. I'm going to be the guy I always wanted to be, caring, understanding, loving, and kind. It won't make her love me, and I won't be fooling myself into thinking our sitch is changing, but at least I'll be true to my values and aspirations.
