Breathe! Fast is slow. Slow is fast. You are fooling yourself if you think you don't want your W back. If you are like me, you just want a sign...any kind of sign...even just an olive branch. This process takes much longer than any one sign and is a marathon not a sprint. You've heard that 100's of times here.
"maybe that's why I doubt our chances." That doesn't sound like DB to me. Where is that positive attitude? Where is the "never give up" spirit?
C'Mon PH, You just gave away your dog and your feeling bummed. Back up on the horse John Wayne and Cowboy Up.
You don't want me to sing do you? I will ya' know.
"Oh the sun'll come out tomorrow, betcha bottom dollar that tomorrow..."
or
"Just what makes that little old ant, think he can move a rubber tree plant..."
:>)
Here take my sword:
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Feel better, yet?
Me 44, W 39, S 6, D 6, M 21 Bomb June 18, 2010 I filed D July 20, 2010 W filed counter suit Aug 2 Rings came off Aug 5, 2010
I'm not so bummed about the dog really. It wasn't mine, though I gave it the most care and affection. I'm bummed about the girls though.
I really don't know if I want my wife back. There are some traits that I've ignored for 13 years that I really don't like.
Doubting our chances is just accepting the sitch for what it is. Right now, our M is dead. When we're apart, and both of us have had time to really think about life apart, then perhaps we can try to find out about the other person again. Date or something. But I'm no fool, there's a lot of baggage, hurt and differing expectations.
Who knows.
I'm going to keep on focusing on me. I'm down to 192, 48lbs off my peak weight. My faith is getting stronger everyday, I'm able to face tough choices and decisions without letting my emotions drive everything. I'm becoming a better father, and trying to enjoy life more.
Tonight the whole family is going to go see our local minor league baseball team play. It's always a fun event, the first time, by oldest almost got hit by a foul ball as we left early. She still has that ball.
Last night, my wife said something that for me will be a real 180. She said that I get afraid of something, then I withdraw. She commented that I was doing that a lot now (misreading my GAL). So I told her that she really wanted me to withdraw, and that I was doing that to respect her wishes.
So I'm not going to withdraw so much. I'm still going to GAL, but I'm not going to screen my calls, or do any of the other things I've been doing. I'm going to be the guy I always wanted to be, caring, understanding, loving, and kind. It won't make her love me, and I won't be fooling myself into thinking our sitch is changing, but at least I'll be true to my values and aspirations.
She said that I get afraid of something, then I withdraw. She commented that I was doing that a lot now (misreading my GAL). So I told her that she really wanted me to withdraw, and that I was doing that to respect her wishes.
So she mind reads and you respond in kind. Plus it makes it look like you are cowing down to her. She called you chicken and you agreed because it what she wants out of you.
"No wife I am not afraid of anything right now. I am sure of where I am and where I am going."
Why? Because you are handling your business. Never let your woman define who you are. That is your job.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
All those things you talked about in the beginning of this mess - responsibility to your family, your home, you shared history, your D's!!!
Don't give up. She hasn't necessarily given up. She's looking for you to LEAD the family towards being together, not apart. She's feeling down, you're feeling down, and this isn't a good mix.
Go read "Hold on to your N.U.T.s" if possible. Set some boundaries. Man up.
Your family is worth a fighting chance, today. I know you're not optimistic, but that's OK. Sh*t happens. Pick up your family and carry them to the next hurdle.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
Another thing my wife said last night was how angry she was at a boundary I had talked about. The previous night, I said that her relationships with men at work were unprofessional; cooking and sharing food with them; becoming too involved in their personal lives; flirting. I said that I should have put those boundaries in place the very first time that I noticed her behaviour.
So last night, most of our talk was pretty calm, but when she got to that she became agitated, said "you're telling me who I can have for friends, [censored] you." in tears.
Like I said, it's too late to close that barn door now. These "friends" are her support now, her way of laughing. I told her that she poured so much affection and attention into them instead of our relationship, but when she was doing this, our R was already dead or dying.
So she mind reads and you respond in kind. Plus it makes it look like you are cowing down to her. She called you chicken and you agreed because it what she wants out of you.
"No wife I am not afraid of anything right now. I am sure of where I am and where I am going."
Why? Because you are handling your business. Never let your woman define who you are. That is your job.
That's how I've acted in the past, that's why I say it's a real 180 for me, not for her. I'm not scared at all of where I'll be in six months. Not one bit. I'll be fine.
All those things you talked about in the beginning of this mess - responsibility to your family, your home, you shared history, your D's!!!
Don't give up. She hasn't necessarily given up. She's looking for you to LEAD the family towards being together, not apart. She's feeling down, you're feeling down, and this isn't a good mix.
Go read "Hold on to your N.U.T.s" if possible. Set some boundaries. Man up.
Your family is worth a fighting chance, today. I know you're not optimistic, but that's OK. Sh*t happens. Pick up your family and carry them to the next hurdle.
My mind is always in the gutter. Now more than ever...
I'm still responsible for my family, my home, my daughters. I have to make the decisions that will be best for all of us. Right now, that is letting her go as quickly as possible, even speeding the process along.
Another thing my wife said last night was how angry she was at a boundary I had talked about. The previous night, I said that her relationships with men at work were unprofessional; cooking and sharing food with them; becoming too involved in their personal lives; flirting.
PH, are you sure we're not married to the same W? This is EXACTLY one of my major issues with my W, and no it isn't ending any better for me, she responded basically the same as yours did.
Also, strangly enough I had the same thoughts about not wanting her back the way she is. I do love my W but am In love with the women she used to be and since that women is gone, then so is the M.
It sounds like your really making a lot of progress in the doing what's right department and I will be following to see if our paths continue the same direction.
