On two ends of the world..

[ris]

Yesterday I got an unexpected email from H. He said he just wanted to let me know that he read my journal I gave him (I wrote it for a few weeks when he was deployed, then I scanned it and sent to him but he never read it. Finally I gave him the original when I saw him the last time). He also mentioned a funny thing he found in it. Then he said he was thinking of going to a seminar that he was very much interested in. I wrote back that he should book it right now because they probably have limited places. So he went and signed up and then we talked (emailed) about it, he was extremely excited (going to it was one of his dreams). Then he went to sleep - it was late there.

Later I went for a Pilates class that I signed up for to start my GAL program. I told him about the class in my nightly email (I always write to say goodnight when I go to sleep) and he was happy that I went and asked about it. This morning I went to work and we continued emailing and got on the topic of the seminar. He has hopes it will help him to get into his dream job and we talked about it in depth. He said he was excited but scared a bit and I reassured him. He also mentioned that he wanted to save a trip he was planning to take shortly for when I get there, because he'd rather do it with me.

Then we talked about new equipment he wanted to buy and he said he didn't like the idea of getting into debt to get it.. but was very evasive when I asked him details. I decided that I should not be an avoider again and it was something he should tell me, so finally I said (nicely) that I think he could tell me how exactly the situation stands in terms of money he has and how much the new stuff was. He told me the situation in his account at the moment, but when I asked again about the new gear he said he'd rather keep it to himself and he "still isn't liking discussing finances with me". I tried not to blow up in response to this, so I took a few minutes and tried to collect my thoughts for a calm reply, but in the meantime he sent me another email saying he was going to sleep. He was overly sweet, called me "love" and wishing me a good day (no ILY though, haven't heard it for a while. I still say it). Maybe he felt his previous response was out of line?

To explain, we don't have joint account (yet? there was talk of it "once we live together") and we both have jobs so it's a sort of "his and her" money deal. I suppose it's ok for now. However, he's getting paid extra for the fact that we're separated and I do feel I have some right to that sum. However when he explained the state of his finances, he made it clear that this money was about to go towards his new purchase. I am planning to write him a short calm email explaining that I feel we should decide on that money together and I don't feel okay about him spending it without consulting with me, much less not wanting to tell me what it's going for. I think that this email will be another step in my Avoider Anonymous program.

Things are definitely much better, there are small mentions of me coming over, I'm not pursuing the subject. He definitely relies of my friendship and advice (for some things at least). I'd still love to hear some advice on going forward and not sliding back!