Gave our dog away tonight. I handled all of it, told the girls (with W present), took the dog to its new home, and then came home and took the family out for dinner. It was really hard.
Then W wanted to talk, and ended up in an R talk.
I think that just like the WAS end up living in a bubble, so do the LBS. We romanticize the past, and I think I even did it before the Bomb. Looking back, we didn't have a good relationship from the start; but we both papered over our differences and moved forward instead of working constructively as a couple.
I don't know that I really want to reconcile now. The price seems too high; I'd have to give up a lot of what I stand for, assuming that she can't change much. Maybe I'm greedy, but I want so much more than what we had, even when things were good.
Maybe that's just some hurt and rejection speaking. I don't know. I think the separation will be good for both of us, though so hard on my daughters. I'm really dreading telling them; but I need to be strong, like I was last night.
I don't think my wife will be making any changes; maybe that's why I doubt our chances. She just feels like anything is better than this, that she'll be happier eventually. I hope she is. For all of her flaws, she's a good person, just terribly wounded, and who never was able to spread her wings.
I'm a good person too, who ended up in a codependent relationship that slowly sapped away my happiness. My daughters bring joy to me, but that's not enough. I've learned so much over the last two months, that I can't settle for taking her back the way she is.
