Not sure where to start, or end. WAW?

[john28]

Hold on to your N.U.T.s came in the mail yesterday, I read the entire thing last night.

http://www.amazon.com/Hold-Your-NUTs-Relationship-Manual/dp/0979054400

I can't remember where I found this book on this site but man, what a great read. I'll try to explain how it applied to me, and how I finally think I understand boundaries now.

It's about setting goals & boundaries of personal integrity. Things like, "I am faithful to my wife." and "There will be no disrespectul talk or action in my house by anyone, to anyone, myself included."

I found myself reading this only a few chapters in realizing that I have NEVER set these kind of things up in my life. Then I began to visualize the types of statements and boundaries that I would set. I had a few in my mind. Then as I read more, I realized I had allowed my own personal integrity to be TRAMPLED on by my W - not by her fault - but by my own for not holding the line. I realized that the boundaries and goals that were most important to me as a father, I had trampled on myself. I got pretty emotional thinking about all of this.

I think what that book did for me was make me realize that this M never had a fighting chance when no one in our house demanded respect or held the line on personal integrity. Our M is extremely immature. We've never set those boundaries in our home - either individually or as a couple.

I also realized that by compromising my beliefs on personal integrity, I've submitted myself to my own demise in my M. I've allowed my W to cross those lines too much for fear of making her angry. Instead, what I should have done was hold that line, be a STRONG MAN, and that would have been more attractive and gave us both more respect for each other.

I'm not saying that my W is the only one who's crossed the lines. If she had the same boundaries as I, I've definitely crossed her lines too. That's just sad.

I began by writing a list of integrity items that I know are important to me living my life as the man I want to be. I then looked at that list, and thought - "This is the man my W wants to be with." And suddenly, it was clear.

I'm a man. I'm not a little boy. I don't have to cry and whine to get my way. If I become the man I want to be, my W will love me all the more. That's the person she wants to be with. That's the man that she loves.

And frankly, that's the man she fell in love with.