Not sure where to start, or end. WAW?

[Chuck66]

John,
I've been there done that. I harped on the evils of tanning and asked if W was eating right, blah blah!

I finally got off my paternal behavior when I realized when my wife and I are divorced I will have NO idea what she does. She could tan until she is a charcoal briquette or starve herself for a week. I won't know about it or have a say. Like I really did have a say anyway? My W is a 40 year old adult who can/will do what she wants.

Same with your W. If she wants to run with scissors or jump in a pool without waiting 30 minutes or nap after eating or nap late it is her life.

You can only control you and no one else. That is the lesson I had to learn. BTW, once that lesson started to take hold, I have a more relaxed feeling since it is time consuming and exhausting always to be worried about someone else. Plus it always feels like you are giving and they are not reciprocating and they see it as just being controlling. Be a care giver no more. Besides care giving skews the balance of a R to much to one side.