The ball is in motion - I've not slept a wink but I've sent some pretty poignant letters:
To her: I'm asking you, again, to step away from my Husband and my family. Last time I did this, you said you didn't know what to say. I'm going to give you a few ideas. You can pick one of the following:
Say "yes I will stop violating your marriage and family and back off"
Say "I'm not a homewrecker and I will step aside"
Say "Yes, I can be an adult and I don't want things to go where they are headed... my self respect is more important than lies and escapism"
Say "Yes I will... Right this very minute... No more contact with your Husband at all... You have my solemn word"
Which one will it be?
Stop having coffee with him in the mornings. Stop answering his calls. Stop asking how our counseling sessions went. Stop keeping things going just to make yourself feel better. The fact that you "unfriended" me the day after I posted our wedding pictures said a lot. Why not before that? Why not when I first sent you the letter. It was a MONTH later. Is it hard to see? Is it hard to know that we share that history?
I was nice to you last week because I wanted to prove that I could look at you and talk to you without wanting to destroy you. I thought that when I saw you, I would feel rage. I didn't. I saw someone that has to go after another woman's husband and is justifying it some way in her own mind. I felt pity for you. I'm done playing nice until you TELL me you will step away.
I'm not some woman scorned. Quite the contrary, I am more confident, self-assured, self-aware and content with who I am than I've been in a VERY long time.
Step away.
To Friends:I've sent this to a couple of people that know both Gary and Crystal at work. Now I'm reaching out to friends and family that know just Gary and I. I'm asking of you, the same thing I asked of them. I can't go it alone...Sorry it's so long....I know he's going to be angry at me for reaching out to you in this way and airing our dirty laundry but the fact is, I can't be proud right now. I'm humbling myself and asking for help from you because he loves and respects you.
From: katrinaboss@hotmail.com To: katrinaboss@hotmail.com Subject: Date: Tue, 10 Aug 2010 05:26:28 -0400
I am at a loss. I've begged Crystal to step away from my husband and she has refused to do it. I'm not sure what fantasy she has in her mind of him leaving me and living happily ever after, but the reality is, it's a bad place to start a relationship. Not to mention she'd have to deal with 2 ex wives and 3 step sons in addition to her own 2 year old son.
I knew about the affair about a month before I "caught" them although he denied it until he was backed into a corner. We have gone to counseling sessions but with a third person in our marriage, it's nearly impossible for us to make any headway. I'm reaching out to you because you know both of them. You see them. You know me. You know our family. You know how in love we were....I still am. I will do anything to save our family but I won't continue to stand for infidelity. It's not fair to me and it's certainly not the legacy I believe Gary wants to leave for his boys. I am giving Gary one more opportunity to end things with Crystal. Once that is done, it will take some really hard work on our part to mend what's went wrong. I'm willing to put that hard work into it, I've already started and made some great strides. I've been seeing an individual therapist and really working on getting myself into a balanced, self-aware place. It's gone so well that those that have no idea what's going on have actually commented that I look peaceful.
Please feel free to read through the attached facebook message. Note the dates and that Crystal did NOT commit to leaving us alone. She has been my "friend" on facebook for over 2 years. She decided to "unfriend me" not after the affair was revealed but after I posted wedding pictures of myself and Gary. I could go on to explain more, but my note to her says it all.
I'm not asking you to pick me over my husband or my husband over me or take sides. I'm simply asking that you choose to protect a marriage and a family over protecting and enabling an affair.
This is not comfortable for anyone, least of all, me. I have to swallow my pride and ask for help. I've tried to do this alone but the progress is very slow coming. My number is listed at the bottom of the post if you care to call. I'm not asking for pity, please understand, I'm passed that. I'm asking for your support in any way you can whether that be talk to Gary or talk to Crystal. Let them know that this is wrong and that Gary should come home to his family and at least TRY to make this work.
Between Crystal Griffith and You
Kat July 3 at 3:47am Hi Crystal,
I want to start out by apologizing for calling you over and over yesterday. I was in a flurry of emotions that I'm still trying to sort out. I'm calm now, still hurting tremendously, but calm and rational. I'm not here to point fingers or place blame, I'm here to implore you to take a step back. I'm begging you, woman to woman, mother to mother, please consider our family. I left the final emotional saga of yesterday's events with 2 parting thoughts: 1). I'm not ready to give up. I still believe that our marriage is not beyond repair. 2). I don't think you are a bad person, I don't, Crystal. I don't "know" you, but what I know of you, you seem kind, considerate, loving and an overall really nice person. To be honest, I can see what someone would see in you. Crystal, I love my husband. I promised to love, honor and cherish him for better for worse. This is about the worst I can imagine, but I promised.
Gary is an amazing man, that is why I'm willing to fight for him and fight to save our marriage and our family. But with you being a part of this equation, it's close to impossible. I can't pretend that I know exactly what you are feeling but I can guess because you were me 10 years ago. I remember when I was going through my divorce and Gary was a part of my life, he gave me hope and love and support like I had never known. He made me feel better than I ever, EVER, had felt in my life. Beautiful, smart, funny, talented. When we were together, the world melted away. It was amazing. In fact, the feeling was so amazing, that I moved here to Akron where I knew no one but him, his kids and Judy. For a long time, Judy was my only friend in Akron. I moved here without a job, without family (who I am incredibly close to) and took a leap of faith that everything this amazing man was promising was true. For so much of our lives together, it was almost disgusting how in love we were. It lasted for quite some time but reality sets in, kids, bills, jobs, sick parents, etc. all start to make the magic just a little less sparkly. It's the old adage "getting caught in a rut" I'm not thrilled with the person I had become, but I have taken a very active approach to change things that were wrong. I also know I was not 100% to blame for the "rut" we were in. Again, I'm not here to place blame, but it's foolish to think that everything stemmed from my action or inaction alone.
Crystal, please let us continue to work out our issues, for Connor, for Max, for Trev and for me. If, when we've finished these counseling sessions, there is nothing left to salvage, I will graciously bow out. In my mind, if these sessions can't help us save our marriage, they will help us have a more amicable divorce.
Thank you for taking the time to read this and consider my point of view. Kat
Crystal Griffith July 7 at 9:02am Report Hi Kat, I didn't realize you texted me until later in the day yesterday. I'm sorry I didn't get back to you sooner. I'm still not really sure what to say, but I did receive this email and I did read it. Thanks, Crystal Sent via Facebook Mobile
And to his exwife: this was her response: WOW! you really threw me for a loop. I had some knowledge that there was something going on as a mutual friend of ours sort of hinted at it. I had no idea it was so involved. I can confirm that this is very familiar behavior for Gary. I never went so far as to approach the women, but the situation is so similar it's eerie! I never had confirmation of a full fledged affair either and Gary continued to deny it even after it didn't matter anymore, but I always believed it. Max was only a baby and he would leave at night, I used to think about getting Josephine, Max's daytime babysitter, to come over and try to catch him, but in the end it really didn't matter because he acted like she was more important than anything I asked. I, too, used to beg him not to do what he was doing. That doesn't include the times that I actually caught him making out with people who I though were my friends, Kenna and Linda.
I could go on for a while, but I have to get to work! Needless to say I know how you feel. I encourage you to fight. Gary has some very serious problems, but I would like to see you work through this.
