I played this scenario out in my mind as well. Last week when I picked up our son from his internship (with her) I played out in my mind that I would quietly go in her office and say "I'm not here to cause a scene but I need answers. I'm faced with a decision and before I make that decision I need all of the pieces of the puzzle in front of me. I need to gather facts. Do you have any intentions of stepping away from my husband?" I figured her answer would help me make a better decision. I didn't do any of that. I asked her to look after him and make sure he knew where the lunch room was. I let her know he loved the project he's working on. OMG! I'm a doormat.
I have an opportunity to go back in on Wed morning when I drop our son off - H will be in the office that afternoon - I could easily go up there and demand she stay away. That would also be a good time to involve the other coworker and ask her for support in making him see what a mistake he's making. This still scares me and feels counterDB.
It is counter to db... But it does work.. just read these forums...Read Hopeforus' recent thread to puppy.. just came in a few days ago... heavy exposure to his son about the mother and confrontation... it works
The co worker can spy for you to ensure your H is keeping no contact up...
The important thing here is NOT to NEGOTIATE.. you state your position and EXIT SLOWLY
Don't demand answers from OW... SH'es chasing after your H... she's a coward and a liar. She may find some maturity someday, but right NOW she hasn't grown up if she's willing to attack a marriage...
Sorry, i know it hurts to hear, but people who violate other marriages are cowards and liars... They woudln't do it in the open, they only do it in the dark in secret... Why?
a. They know its wrong b. They don't want to get caught c. They are afraid
So, expose it, bring it right out into the light of day and let the chips fall.
If you are going to confront her you do it wtih other coworkers present. Don't do it like a stand off... you list what she's done already and call her a coward and walk away... TEll her you will be back.
Don't let her ANYWHERE NEAR your kids... You need to be firm ont hat... If you are gracious or engaging of her in any way no one will give you any support...
You cut OW out and you don't use her for friendship, advice, favors, money or anything.. OUT
