21 years of marriage hanging by a thread

[Chuck66]

Kids are doing great. W and I both colored pictures with S6 tonight. D6 had fever and I picked her up from summer school and had her all day.

I jumped all over the PA bandwagon. It is just not happening. No I am not blind to it. Things have changed considerably.

No more spaghetti straps/low cut shirts.
No more dresses.
No more alcohol.
No more headache pills.
No more sleeping pills.
No more eating alone at home.
Eats with the family and now makes meals.
Was coming home by 5:30 the entire week until a work project came up and now she is home by 6:30 this week.

She went up to work at 8pm this last with her laptop. She found out I was still spying (against the DB/Puppy guidelines). She was trying to see if there was a key logger on her computer. As of yesterday she has a Windows XP password. I've had one on my computer for a month now. I also know she's been through my desk at my home office.

Sat I said I was going with the kids in the evening to a tree nursery to drop of landscaping plans. The spying I had done was just to check her history file. She had looked up the nursery and hours to see if I was telling the truth; I was. Not sure why she'd care if she was getting a D?

I think she could have had a PA but it is unlikely. The 40 clothes store visits in June is more for escapism than it would be for an OM. Her time would be with an OM and not at all those stores.

Why would a mom stay away from her kids? She doesn't trust her parenting skills. Example, I have taken the kids to the park, out for ice cream, baseball game, several restaurants, Chuckie Cheese, the movies, a cemetery, swimming, museums, all by ourselves. W has never taken the kids anywhere BY HERSELF. She took them to the water-park, she had to swing by and get her mom first. She took them for ice cream, she had to get her mom first. When she takes them to summer school she plays the music loud because she can't handle it when they argue with each other.
She has re-engaged with the kids for the past 3 weeks but does have a set limit on the time she spends with them.

Side note: I have been married to her for 21 years and new her for several years before that. I have never seen her doing ANYTHING alone with her dad in all that time. She goes to garage sales, lunches, shopping, etc with her mom. Her and her dad have never gotten into a car alone and drove off anywhere in the 2 plus decades I have known them. I have NEVER seen that. I am not going to even speculate what that means, its just an observation that I have made.

I filed for a D and it's common place for the spouse to file a counter claim refuting certain paragraphs of my claim. That's what they did.

I left her a note Sun before I took the kids to our first day of church ever. Summarized it said:

1. L's are costing a lot.

2. Give me a dollar amount to buy you out of the house and all assets.

3. I will agree to joint custody if the kids never leave the school district they are in.

4. Parenting schedule will be me with them Sun-Wed and you get them Thurs-Sat. Yes I get them one extra day but you get them on both non-school nights where they can stay up late.

5. Give me a list of what furniture you want and we will go over it.

6. This will expedite the D. She was bummed that my L said this would take until Jan, so I am here to help move the process along.

The letter was gone when we got back and she hasn't mentioned it at all.

I can't believe you loved the things I was doing to get her attention!! My friends think I am a loon. They think I think this is all one big game with me pretending to be having a good time on the phone and all. They don't think I am taking my R seriously.

Once I filed she cancelled her IC appointment. She has still never been to an IC in her life. I will be on appt #6 tomorrow.

Thanks for your words,
I feel fine,
Chuck