How old are you and your W? How long have you been M?
In the first paragrap of your thread, it was clear to me that your W was past desparate for happiness. If you worked up to 16 hrs a day, that didn't leave much time for the two of you. Something tells me that she longed for romance but you were either too tired, too broke, or not interested. Then you waited too late, so she decided to see what it would take to shake you awake. But here's the thing....she wanted to see a knight in shinning armour come charging in and knock the OM on his butt, then sweep her up into his arms and go off into the sunset. You didn't do what she wanted. You didn't do anything like she wanted, even when OM was staying all night in your home with your W. She kept pushing OM at you b/c she wanted you to beat the snot out of him! She wanted to know you were jealous of her! She wanted a hero!
You were trying to make her see what a nice guy you are and how dedicated you are to making the M work....regardless of what she did....even with another man. But you see, that does not come off as being a nice guy, it comes off as you being worse than an old wore out doormat that just keeps laying there allowing people to wipe their sh*t on him. That ain't exactly sexy and it sure won't draw her to you.
You aren't being nice. You are being passive. If there is one thing that will turn a woman off...it is a passive man. In every paragraph you wrote, you told us how passive you really are and how you are allowing her to bully you. What do you mean she won't let you have access to the account to pay for dental care? Have some gumption, boy!
Now, get to a doctor and tell him that you are going days without sleep and having suicidal thoughts. He will give you meds that will help a lot....and if they don't help a lot, go back and tell him it didn't work and to give you something different. You have to get his attention and let him know how serious this is, okay? Then we'll get busy and get you to working toward a better life!
I am 35 and the W is 33. Next month will be our 8 year anniversary. We have been together for over 10 years. She really wasn't shoving the OM in my face as she was trying to hide everything from me. I found out by driving by the house everynight at 1:30 in the morning to see if his car was there. I don't think she wan't me to beat the crap out of the other guy because she has said that if I did anything to him that she would know it was me and call the cops. She called me up at 3am one night and accused me of slashing one of his tires. I assured her I had nothing to do to it and later on found out it was a just a bad tire. She told me once that a regular mature male would accept her friendship with him and I responded by saying that a regular mature guy would fight for her and beat the crap out of him. She didn't like that idea. I do think that you were right on about everything else. I did get about 8 hours of sleep last night, but will make an appointment with the doc and see if there is anything he can do. Will keep you informed. Thanks to everyone for all their help so far.
