Relocated the family and he dropped the bomb

[MM78]

So I left my phone in the bottom of the diaper bag and didn't see that he texted me until much later - just updating me that he booked a room for the night before his board exams (he has to take them in another state). I never responded at all. He came home and dinner was on the table. I was done eating so I did dishes while he ate with the kids. Then he realized he had no beer (oh, the horror) and he went out to get more while I bathed and put the kids to bed.

So sitting down here now feeling a little stronger, I had a bit of an epiphany..... this EA basically started right around the time I conceived our second child. That is when I started making comments about the OW and he claimed she was his 'best friend' and how dare me deny him of his one and only friend. At that time he also said not to make him choose between me and her because he would choose her. Obviously that was a red flag, but here I was pregnant with my second child and my first was only about 15-16 months old at the time.

Another thought I had is why am *I* the one walking on eggshells moping around? Because he is the one that said he wanted the D? Ok, maybe. But HE is the one that turned outside our marriage for basically half of our married life to another person. I'm still committed to the marriage and want it to work if he does, but if he wants to get on the D train I will not stop him. I cannot force him to want me or to work on things, I am basically awaiting my fate but using this time that we are living in a new place, I am a SAHM, and everything financially is ok, to work on myself. It's borrowed time to make myself stronger either for the future work that we will do to our marriage, or for a new partner down the road in the future.

If anyone would like to chime in I would still love to know how to handle the situation if he says he wants to go back to our home state to visit friends - and he specifically mentioned her before. I have not brought it up since and this first came up last Monday.