21 years of marriage hanging by a thread

[TimeHeals]

As damn hot as it is today, a few beers are always welcome!

It's danged hot in Memphis too. I had to take a break from mowing the lawn to come in, drink some iced tea, and cool down.

Ahhh, back to the lawn mowing....

[Chuck66]

IDU,
I'm in St Louis all the time, but usually with the family for Cardinal games. Next time the W backs our a few hours before the game you can have her ticket. I used to go to college at UMSL, Flo Valley, Wash U, and Park College in Cahokia, IL (didn't grad from any of them). Maybe I'll meet you at Lacledes Landing. TH can can follow the Miss. River northward from Memphis and join us.

LL,
I had to look up IPA and understand the kind of burr you want. Long way from LA. I used to be out near Lompoc/Solvang but it was just for military training and a long way from LA. But if your ever in the midwest c'mon out.

[Chuck66]

While I was tanning W got a call from summer school that D had an ear infection. W called me at home phone/cell phone and could not get me. I left the phones indoors. She thought I was not answering HER calls so she asked the summer school girl to call me and I came in to receive that call. W had to drive to suburbs to pick up D and take her back to the city for Dr. visit then to grandma's house. All that took her more than 3 hours away from her work.

I did not do the phone thing on purpose but it was a taste for her on how it will feel to be a single parent if the D goes through. She made all of us supper and ate with us. Again that is a HUGE change with her.

Footnote: I had IC #5 today. W is scheduled for IC #1 tomorrow. We will see if she goes.

[Chuck66]

I saw this morning that my W's wedding ring was not on. I took mine off and plopped it on the bathroom counter-top. It made a pretty good ting sound.

She also wants to trade back to me picking the kids up in the evenings. she said she has some kind of audit next week. I said I would have to check my schedule. I think she is still mad that I cam home after the kids were in bed last night so she had to feed them, read to them, and put them to sleep by herself for the first time ever.

[Chuck66]

W grabs laptop and says she has to go to work yesterday. Leaves at 7 pm before the kids are even in bed. Comes home at 10:30 pm without the laptop. Have no idea what that is about.

She also knows I am going out with friends (most who she does not know) and said she will be going out from 2:15-7:30pm on Sat and asked if I could watch the kids.

I initiated a short R conversation today. I just said, "I still love you but I cannot be with someone who doesn't want to be with me." She asked, Where is that coming from?" I said, "We don't talk much and another day might pass before we get to say anything that's all." She said, "I still love you." I said, Because I can't be with someone who doesn't want (she never said she doesn't want to be with me, just she can't decide) to be with me then is is what it is." She said, "OK." So we are both pressing on with the D I guess.

[Chuck66]

I went out with friends last night. Told the W I'd be home by midnight and got home at 1:15. She wants me to pay today.

Said she is not going to church with family tomorrow. It was going to be our first day of church ever.

She said she is not going to the museum with family next week.

At first she said she was going out from 1 pm to midnight and I said "So that's how we are going to play this?" and walked off. She thought that over for a few minutes and said she is going out from 2pm to 8pm tonight, like she said she was earlier in the week.

She asked how long this D is going to take. I told her my L said until Jan. She asked if we could do mediation instead. I said I asked my L. Google says no mediation if dissolution of marriage is filed by either party.

My idea about pulling the D paperwork at any time is true unless W files a counter claim to the dissolution, which my W did. So if I pull the papers the D just keeps on going now.

She said she still loves me on Mon. I still love her and we are getting a D. Nice.

[sandi2]

And for Sandi2,
An elderly couple behind us at today's baseball game said this is the second game that have seen your family and wanted you to know that your two kids are the best behaved they we have seen. W and I just looked at each other and smiled.

These two children will always the hook that will keep drawing the two of you back into each other's lives.

Chuck, I think your W is having an A with with some man at her place of work. Why would any mother put that many hours into a week and not see their children? Why would she be getting dolled up and wearing low cut dresses? The only thing I believe would drag a woman back to work that night (after putting in 10 or more hours that very day) would have to be another man. It all adds up.

I think you were getting her attention. I loved the things you were doing! Think she was really a little jealous for a bit.

I don't see her going to the C if both of you have filed. I don't think she wants anyone telling her to live her life any differently than what she's doing.

I believe you are going to be fine, Chuck. It will be painful, but you will get through this and move on with your life.

[Chuck66]

Kids are doing great. W and I both colored pictures with S6 tonight. D6 had fever and I picked her up from summer school and had her all day.

I jumped all over the PA bandwagon. It is just not happening. No I am not blind to it. Things have changed considerably.

No more spaghetti straps/low cut shirts.
No more dresses.
No more alcohol.
No more headache pills.
No more sleeping pills.
No more eating alone at home.
Eats with the family and now makes meals.
Was coming home by 5:30 the entire week until a work project came up and now she is home by 6:30 this week.

She went up to work at 8pm this last with her laptop. She found out I was still spying (against the DB/Puppy guidelines). She was trying to see if there was a key logger on her computer. As of yesterday she has a Windows XP password. I've had one on my computer for a month now. I also know she's been through my desk at my home office.

Sat I said I was going with the kids in the evening to a tree nursery to drop of landscaping plans. The spying I had done was just to check her history file. She had looked up the nursery and hours to see if I was telling the truth; I was. Not sure why she'd care if she was getting a D?

I think she could have had a PA but it is unlikely. The 40 clothes store visits in June is more for escapism than it would be for an OM. Her time would be with an OM and not at all those stores.

Why would a mom stay away from her kids? She doesn't trust her parenting skills. Example, I have taken the kids to the park, out for ice cream, baseball game, several restaurants, Chuckie Cheese, the movies, a cemetery, swimming, museums, all by ourselves. W has never taken the kids anywhere BY HERSELF. She took them to the water-park, she had to swing by and get her mom first. She took them for ice cream, she had to get her mom first. When she takes them to summer school she plays the music loud because she can't handle it when they argue with each other.
She has re-engaged with the kids for the past 3 weeks but does have a set limit on the time she spends with them.

Side note: I have been married to her for 21 years and new her for several years before that. I have never seen her doing ANYTHING alone with her dad in all that time. She goes to garage sales, lunches, shopping, etc with her mom. Her and her dad have never gotten into a car alone and drove off anywhere in the 2 plus decades I have known them. I have NEVER seen that. I am not going to even speculate what that means, its just an observation that I have made.

I filed for a D and it's common place for the spouse to file a counter claim refuting certain paragraphs of my claim. That's what they did.

I left her a note Sun before I took the kids to our first day of church ever. Summarized it said:

1. L's are costing a lot.

2. Give me a dollar amount to buy you out of the house and all assets.

3. I will agree to joint custody if the kids never leave the school district they are in.

4. Parenting schedule will be me with them Sun-Wed and you get them Thurs-Sat. Yes I get them one extra day but you get them on both non-school nights where they can stay up late.

5. Give me a list of what furniture you want and we will go over it.

6. This will expedite the D. She was bummed that my L said this would take until Jan, so I am here to help move the process along.

The letter was gone when we got back and she hasn't mentioned it at all.

I can't believe you loved the things I was doing to get her attention!! My friends think I am a loon. They think I think this is all one big game with me pretending to be having a good time on the phone and all. They don't think I am taking my R seriously.

Once I filed she cancelled her IC appointment. She has still never been to an IC in her life. I will be on appt #6 tomorrow.

Thanks for your words,
I feel fine,
Chuck

[Chuck66]

I found her Kindle E-book that she thought the mover's lost 8 weeks ago. She had placed it in my book bag for safe keeping and forgot. I had already ordered her a replacement one and cancelled that order. No it wasn't me trying to give a gift. The mover's were going to reimburse me and it I was just replacing the lost one.

I set her new found Kindle on the kitchen counter-top and never said anything. She was so HAPPY to see it. She used to read a lot as part of her escapism. She actually had a big smile and Thanked me for finding it!

I just called her work to see if she gave our daughter her ear drops for an infection. She was rushing the kids the morning and now there is no answer at work. I am thinking that is a another chit for the PA side of things. There have been a few other days she was no where to be found early in the morning. She would only have 30 minutes today before co-workers arrive. Not sure what to think.

[Chuck66]

I just got a hold of her. Just like I said, a few minutes before her co-workers show up. I just asked about the drops and nothing more.