Hi Jstar... sorry to hear your H is making things so complicated for you and not being there for your kids emotionally or financially! How rotten! Glad to see you contacted a L.
Like everyone says above, dont be so hard on yourself. You have a lot on your plate and you are handling yourself pretty well considering!
My only advice would be to detach yourself from him. I wouldnt contact him regarding the kids visitation. He needs to feel like he is unwanted or not needed. Let him call you or text you and ask to see the kids. Turn this around so that he needs to ask you when a good time is, and let him rearrange his schedule. Let the L handle the financial aspect, as he should help you out with your bills. Glad to see you found help watching the kids while you are back at work.
keep your chin up! and pat yourself on the back for taking care of your kids and working! You should not want him back for the child care services or for financial support or the car.
Like you mentioned above start living the life you want! Make it happen for yourself! Start a piggy bank for your car... you now have help with the kids... start turning this around so that you will be happy. And let him figure out his own mess of a life for now.
today i actually thought or felt like i maybe missed him, HORRIBLE.
i forget who said don't want him for childcare or transportation. i can hear all the quotes in my head and it helps greatly.
i think of this one often, live the life I want. after working all day, came home to kidos, we had to hoof it to get water and another bus pass, in our double jogger stroller, we bee booped our way listening to music, smiling.
we just couldn't make it to the park it was dark....
i've told my co workers, i'm not gonna burry my head in the sand, i'm trimming the fat, making some financial changes that could help, be darned if i let h make me miserable or paralyzed.
we even hired a fairly hot health tech, nice distraction.
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
Jstar, we ALL go through periods where we miss our Hs! It seems to be typical, but the more no contact you have, the better it gets.
Good attitude about trimming the fat...and a silver lining to taking the bus everywhere is that 1)you will get exercise 2)you have more time with your kids!
But I grew up without a car, so we took the bus all the time and I know how much it can suck. Especially when it rains!
Hey, lol about the "eye candy!" My school has a couple of openings right now so I wonder who will be hired?
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Sound like i'm doing great, not that great but living life wiht me and the kids. been what about about no msg no contact nothing from h, no questions about who is watching them while i work, if they are ok if he can see them, nada
he's the same boy he's been for years.
i was thinking today as i walked from the bus stop, i don't really think he and i had a chance, meaning, when i met him only 3 months later did my entire world fall apart and it just kept getting worse and worse. all the deaths in my immediate family, miscarriage, all that.
then i think, if you really loved me he would have recongized all the struggle i was experiencing. wouldn't he have stayed by my sad instead of runnning away?
the distance helps, i'm not so angry after having dealt with him. just tired as heck with bus riding working all day coming home to the kids cleaning the house laundry everything.
as he lives at home with his parents where his mother cooks cleans does his laundry, NO RESPONSIBILITIES whatsoever.
on his facebook his interests are clubbing, dancing, and drinking, no mention of children, NADA. sounds like a daddy who loves his kids.
i know he's gonna pop up like usual, may not be this week, but eventually he shows up at my door, wanting to see the kids. and wheni don't answer or tell him to go away, it's all my fault because i did not open the door allow him in with a smiling face all happy. my youngest daughter has a bday in less then a month, he's gonna want to play disneyland daddy, rent a bouncer adn have a party for her at his house, in good concience i can not allow that. she does not need the confusion of daddy can come around when he wants to but my mom does everything, works and supports us every which way.
when i think about this i get so sad and hurt, so disgusted.
i'm not ready to date, my children are my life. we do things together in the house or jog to the park, take our showers together and it's just us.
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
i'm finding out so much. for so long when we were together it was me that was crazy for thinking he was a cheater, from what i've seen, he's hitting the clubs everynight, commenting about how many women are out and about for him to sleep with, all about drinking.
hind sight is 20/20
i felt good i could gather the intel, but the intel is upsetting.
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
