Well, today was interesting. Met with the mediator (who we probably won't use)
I was originally disappointed with my handling of the meeting but now I think it wasn't so bad.
It began a little tense (even the mediator noted it). There were a couple of "exchanges" of remarks. She was sticking to the "Slept apart since August" for the grounds. I clearly stated "adultery" She mentioned our unofficial Sep Agreement and the preference of no lawyers. She "had to laugh that we'de require one anyway even at F^irway" I said "I also laugh becasue I know you have paid for a lawyer already"
However, about halfway through, RobX's quote came out of me in bits and pieces. Specifically, I said-
Though divorce is my last option, at this point I am not interested in reconciling.
I do love my wife. She is the mother of my daughter. But I am not IN love with her. ANd I have no interest in being with someone who doesn't want me.
-then the waterworks started. Mediator excused himself and she went to the washroom. I asked her what the problem was.
"That was the nicest thing you have said to me in so many months. I'd never heard you say that about Calla and I"
So where I thought it was about the "I'm not in love with her" it was actually the first part. I felt awful cause she was right.
From then on we reviewed the interim banking spreadsheet and she agreed to it. She brought the paystub I had asked for AND signed the bank paper I asked for.
So, we leave and go outside to talk about a few things. She was quite forward with what "we" needed to do regarding disclosure paper and banking stuff/taxes.
So I said (and I'm waiting for some 2x4's)
M"I'm sorry I made you cry. W: "I don't want to think about it" M: Why not? W:Because it hurt me to hear it now M:I am sorry I hurt you now. I am sorry for a lot of things I've said and done in our marriage. I accept my complete 50% responsibility for the state of our marriage. W:You probably aren't even that much. M:I am sorry if I seem distant in there. This is all business and protecting myself for Calla. I have a lot of things I would like to tell you but I can't let my emotions guide me right now. Divorce is my last option but you decided to skip to the endgame. Until the affair is over, I have to pursue this divorce for my own health. You crossed a major boundary with me and I now have a huge trust issue right now and my door is closed. But what you must know is that if you end the affair, you can knock on the door and I'd be willing to discuss it further"
We tidied up a few details on stuff and I said goodbye. I told her I'd call the other nediator as I felt it should be quicker and less expensive than F^irway. She agreed.
I was surprised by a lot of things. -I told her I was going to try to stay in our little town. She said the same. Surprised me. -She said she wanted to quit smoking again. I said the same. -She was NOT as tough or proud as before. -This was a close to my original wife as I can recall. -I believe I gained some respect back.
That's all I have for now.
She has sent a few little texts on details. And thanked me for some cigarettes I gave her.
I'm expecting some lumber, perhaps.
But I'd like some opininions on whether I actively try to keep up the mini-confronttions or let it simmer.
