So, you didn't do as Puppy suggested and bring up the subject of your W's passwords?
I understand completely what your W is saying about "wanting to want you", but her problem will not get fixed as long as she's flirting with other men. She won't feel in love with you and she sure won't have any desire for sex or to work on the M. Everything about the M goes dead for her when she's in an A.
I also understood completely what you were saying about the ordeal in the kitchen. Won't to know to what eats away at a MR? Sarcasam, put-downs, making the S the butt of your jokes, laughing at the S's embarrassment, etc. I could go on with more, but these things are acts of disrespect and it is as deadly as poison. It kills sexual desire. It kills admiration. It kills intimacy. It kills self-esteem. It kills respect. Get the picture?
It's not always what's said but the tone of voice that is used. Not knowing the two personalities, it's hard to get the true picture. But the point is that it made you feel disrespected. Next day...she'd forgotten it but you hadn't, so I think she's talked like this all throughout the M. Now, how do you put a stop to it? You must approach her in a manly way and as somebody has already mentioned, don't tell her how bad she makes you feel, just tell her that you will not be talked to in that manner.
It is the small stuff that counts, just as much as the bigger issues. Somebody may think one little nibble from a duck isn't too bad--but if you were nibbled every day, I'd bet it would get to be a rather "sore" spot!
I asked you if you had thought what your boundaries would be. I am going to give you the link to Coach's thread on boundaries. I think if you read it then you'll get a better idea of what we are talking about. It isn't like a list of house rules, but it is about the respect you need to have to stay in this M. You need to know what your deal breakers are. What would the consequenses be if your W spoke in a disrespectful way in front of your little boy? What would it be if she treated you rudly or laughed at something curel that happened to you? What would it be if she talked to OM on the phone while you were in the house?
So, there should be different consquenses for different actions. You wouldn't say that you were getting a D for all of the above, but neither would you want to let it ride.
