Your H will go Mid Life Crisis on you for sure... And then the affair will start for sure too
in other words, i'd be back on here. lovely. i know this is the reality but y'know .. why bother db-ing? i love my h very much. he deserves better than this.
i only want him to see that putting me first doesn't mean disrespecting his parents. they need to respect our boundaries as well. yes, our home is their home too but not literally. you do not make us follow your rules in our house. but you can make us follow your rules in your own house - which i am happy to do. but that's a two way street.
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Your husband never learned what marriage is... His parents don't even know for God's sake do they?
Do his parents bicker with each other at all? How does their marriage function?
they have been married for over 40 yrs. mil has an anxiety disorder and a bit of ocd. she is a germiphobe. h and fil have tolerated her crazy behaviour and they let her rule the roost because they are afraid she'll cry. it drives everybody nuts but nobody will say anything.
i had a conversation with fil once. he told me that he has no friends. and the reason why he has no friends is because mil made them feel unwelcomed in their home. he once asked his friends to come over and they said no. they didn't feel welcomed. so they stopped coming around. to this day, he has no friends who drop by for a visit. mil on the other hand has a handful of friends. her friends have sons/daughters. and she is jealous of the friends who have great relationships with their children, and she flaunts her relationship with her son to friends who's children do not call very often.
one christmas, she successfully convinced us not to go to h's friends' christmas party. she wanted us all to herself because we didn't see them that often. i could see that she was trying to get rid of h's friends from taking a chunk of our time.
now it's my turn. she's basically convinced my h that i'm a bad person. she once posted a note outside our home door and said that the door was unlocked and that my h was sleeping upstairs. i kindly asked her not to post such notes for her own safety. she turned it around and balled in front of my h and told him that i was mean. she said she was afraid of me and that i was threatening. i couldn't believe it.
to me, it just seems like she's trying to control who her husband and son can and cannot see. it was only a matter of time where she would kick me out of the nest too.
fil would visit us without her because he needed a break from her. he loved her but he said her antics are driving him crazy. she will attempt to knit a hat, ask him to count the stitches 3 times, she will count them herself 3 times, knit the hat to completion, take it apart, and start over. it takes three rounds of this before she completes a hat.
she would nag her husband about household chores. every day there would be 6 loads of laundry to fold. she would wash the towels everyday to prevent germs from spreading. he'd be folding frayed and tattered bath towels on a daily basis. he would tolerate for 4 days and then on day 5, he'd blow up. they would stop talking. and by day 7, they would be talking again and the cycle continues. she nags him about his diet and this causes him to act out by going to the local greasy spoon and having junk.
she uses death to manipulate everyone. fil might die. his diet is terrible. but i'll allow him to eat junk because you never know when he might bite the big one. very passive aggressive.
she is also like my h that she cannot make a decision on her own. she consults with 10 people before she makes a decision. on this board, many have said that a man who cannot make a decision is very unattractive. well, that's my h too.
she's very controlling but she masquerades it as "she's only trying to help" and she'll cry because nobody appreciates the fact that she's just trying to help.
a lot of this is about my mil. i was actually okay with my fil. he was your typical blue collar retiree. smart man. and great to talk to. but fil, h, and i often felt controlled at their home. we weren't allowed to relax and enjoy ourselves because there was lots to do.
