How to tell if there is an A

[DumpedforMIL]

Sex and money is managed as a couple in a good marriage. Choices are made in that area as a couple, not independently.

i have a lot to learn as well. i didn't dictate how he spent his money. but i would put my foot down when i thought it was getting out of hand. he would listen and not put up a fight.

He isn't supposed to be independent financiall.. he should be working with you as a couple financially

agreed. that makes more sense.

He has'tn broken free of his parents' grasp... They coddle him and he allows it...

it's sickening to watch them coddle him.
oh poor him. his wife is treating him poorly. mommy made six dozen chocolate chip cookies to make you feel better.

the way h sees it is that i don't understand the bond between him and his parents. ever since his father had a heart attack, they have been gotten closer. but to me, i love my parents just as much. there is no difference between the bond i have with my parents.

parents dying is part of reality. it will happen. but that's not an excuse to put your parents ahead of your wife, is it?

WHen you marry you shift your attachments from your parent to your spouse while maintaining respect for both... financial and sexual attachments should shift in a healthy marriage

that's all i have been asking for.
i'm not saying he had to abandon his parents. i understand they need him but i need to know that i am first priority.
when he said "if anything happens to me .. oh my poor parents." your poor parents? what about me? i'm your wife! that's how i know that i'm not first priority.
he had the nerve to say to me that i had to put him first because his mommy said so because i was his wife now. but where's the second half of that statement where he has to put me first as well?

Your H hasn't accepted this shift... It is betrayal, I wouldn't second guess that at all

not, he hasn't. and this is at the root of my anger.

you can expose an A. how do you expose this? it's still a betrayal where a third party has negatively impacted our marriage. it seemed like his clingy-ness to his parents got stronger in the last few years. when we were dating, he wasn't like this. i was his main focus and we had fun together.