Any future R past just coparenting will really mean starting over from scratch, dating, and finding out if we really still like each other. Ignoring as much of our past and history, and seeing if there's any real attraction between us.
Agreed. Even co-parenting requires that, I think.
I think you guys forgot how to do this along the way: let each other grow and embrace the uncertainty of one another.
Almost as if the wedding vows included the promise to forget that while you are married, you are still two humans who are growing and changing and that you will have to struggle and learn how to re-connect to one another.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I know that the two of us, together, forgot how to date and be romantic. With each child we had it got worse and worse. I was concentrating on being a good dad more that being a good husband. She was doing the same. When I did ask her out, she was too tired or didn't want to go. I heard that enough and quit asking. It was both of our faults.
Same with you.
Now, if our wives could see how we have changed and how much we have learned.....?
I know I wouldn't make the same mistakes again.
No one want their old M back. We have a chance to have a new and improved M. If only they would take the chance.
That's the trick. She'll see my changes over time since we have two kids to coparent. And she'll see what I've learned as well. But she needs to have the same personal awakening, and make the changes that she can.
Wife called to let me know the new home for the dog is all set. She didn't know how we should do it, so I told her to give me 30 min think about it and I'd call her back.
After eating some lunch, I called and told her that we should explain to the girls the hows and why's when I get home from work, and then I'll take the dog. My W will get all blubbery, and that'll make the girls all blubbery.
I'll tell them about the kittens I'm getting when I get back, and that should help them cope. W isn't thrilled about cats, but tough.
Oh, and while we were talking I mentioned some of the furniture she could take, and she got really choked up. I guess expecting me to be a dick or something, or just upset about the reality of the whole situation. Mind reading again. She was just upset..
I have to be really strong about the next few months. The chances of her chickening out are pretty high I think, and I don't want to reconcile or try to reconcile without real progress having been made by both of us. Easy to say now when the prospect of reconciliation is slim to none, but better to be prepared.
Gave our dog away tonight. I handled all of it, told the girls (with W present), took the dog to its new home, and then came home and took the family out for dinner. It was really hard.
Then W wanted to talk, and ended up in an R talk.
I think that just like the WAS end up living in a bubble, so do the LBS. We romanticize the past, and I think I even did it before the Bomb. Looking back, we didn't have a good relationship from the start; but we both papered over our differences and moved forward instead of working constructively as a couple.
I don't know that I really want to reconcile now. The price seems too high; I'd have to give up a lot of what I stand for, assuming that she can't change much. Maybe I'm greedy, but I want so much more than what we had, even when things were good.
Maybe that's just some hurt and rejection speaking. I don't know. I think the separation will be good for both of us, though so hard on my daughters. I'm really dreading telling them; but I need to be strong, like I was last night.
I don't think my wife will be making any changes; maybe that's why I doubt our chances. She just feels like anything is better than this, that she'll be happier eventually. I hope she is. For all of her flaws, she's a good person, just terribly wounded, and who never was able to spread her wings.
I'm a good person too, who ended up in a codependent relationship that slowly sapped away my happiness. My daughters bring joy to me, but that's not enough. I've learned so much over the last two months, that I can't settle for taking her back the way she is.
