Later on that same night I find out that the OM was spending the night at our house when she was in the hospital. The day she got out, he spent the night again. He spends the night 5-6 times a week. I know that a strong EA has been going on and she refuses to tell him he can't spend the night. I told her that it is very disrespectful to me to have another guy spending the night with here in our house during our separation. She thinks it's okay because they sleep in other rooms.
Lonely,she is NOT having an EA with him and sleeping in separate rooms. It is very clear she is way in over her head with this guy and they are 99.9% certain having a PA.
1. Move home, today. 2. Kick OM out. Immidiately after you move home. 3. Demand No Contact with OM. 4. If she doesn't stop contact, she needs to leave the house, immidiately.
This will command the respect you deserve. That is your home that she's allowing another man to sleep in. If she wants to have a PA/roomate/whateverlameexcuse then she can do that somewhere else. From there, you can begin DB. Until then, you're SOL.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
And now the Jedi have stepped in to support you. Don't ignore this advice, despite what your heart is telling you. Your heart will LIE TO YOU NONSTOP during this. Go by your values, not your emotions.
And now the Jedi have stepped in to support you. Don't ignore this advice, despite what your heart is telling you. Your heart will LIE TO YOU NONSTOP during this. Go by your values, not your emotions.
THIS.
Remember this. YOUR HEART WILL LIE TO YOU. Nothing you're doing will make sense in your heart. It will tell you to do the opposite. Listen to us here, we've all been through some closely similar sitch as yours.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
1. Move home, today. 2. Kick OM out. Immidiately after you move home. 3. Demand No Contact with OM. 4. If she doesn't stop contact, she needs to leave the house, immidiately.
Well it isn't so easy to move back into the house. The house is in her name only and she had it since her first marriage. Also she has been the breadwinner most of the marriage as my business barely breaks even every month. However there are alot of legal aspects to this as my wife is legally blind (not totally blind, she can see just not perfect) so she is on disability. The routes and all her other jobs are under my name. We fudge our taxes so that we don't pay any taxes on the newspaper earnings that net over $30,000 a year. By not reporting it, we could never got the house refinanced into both our names.
I did threaten her last week and told her that if she didn't at least try to work things out like promised that I would try to go after at least part of the house as I could be vindictive and show that all the earnings were from me. I told her that I refuse to let the OM destroy our M and that if our M was to be destroyed I will only accept it if we could not work things out after trying.
We had a verbal aggreement that if we ever got divorced that I we would keep everything we went into the M with. I would get the business, she would get the house, etc.
Also I honestly don't believe that the are sleeping together. Before her surgery, we were still trying to work things out and were even intimate a couple times. He didn't start spending the night until after the hospital. Since her surgery had to deal with her stomach she still has at least 3 weeks before she is cleard from the doctor to resume sexual activity. In a few weeks, who knows...it's quite possible.
She also told me that the talked and a R wouldn't work for them as he is very religious and it would interfere with his religious beliefs. I call that BS because if he is religious he wouldn't be breaking the 10th commandment by coveting my wife.
So I guess I'm back to square 1, as I can't move back into the house since it is in her name and if I demand to be there she would probably try to get a restraining order on me. Any other way to get him kicked out of the house?
(My standard disclaimer is that I'm brand new here, so the vets could totally disagree with me.)
Ok, you can't move back into the house. But you can stop helping and enabling her. She's legally blind, now has another health condition surfacing, etc., and she wants a divorce, let her handle her business on her own. Don't run to her rescue. You can matter of factly state (as you would to a friend), that if she needs help with her medical appointments, to let you know, but other than that I wouldn't cut the grass or help her out (or him out) with those routes at all. If she thinks she wants to live alone or with someone else, let her have at it. House problems will come up and part of the natural consequence of not having you live with her is that she will have to figure out how to handle it herself. Like the guys said, she has her cake - and you are feeding it to her too.
Me 32 H 32 Ds 3.5 and 1.5 M 5 years, T 14 years EA/Bomb: 7/1/10 PA revealed: 9/14/10 Legally separated: 10/01/10
