You're right about that! Well, either exposure or discovery followed by the tough love/letting go approach. Both are effective more than tolerance, that's for sure. I guess it depends on the situation.
As for mine - I did find out a little more awhile ago. Seems like it's 2 steps backwards now. While H had been so positive and had been taking baby steps, the whole situation that precipitated S16 telling H that he was pissed last night was because H had him and S14 in the car, basically discussing leaving. He asked how they would feel about it, etc... SO, S14 now knows about the text messages/facebook stuff. According to D18 and S16, S14 now sees more why "mom is fighting for the family while dad is being self-centered." I spoke with S14, of course. I talked with all 3 today about the boundaries. S16 apparently gave H quite the earful last night. I sure wish I'd known this before H asked me about telling S16. I would've taken a harder line, for sure. Now I'm REALLY sorry I didn't take a firm stance on why S was told. I didn't apologize for telling him, but it probably came across as me making excuses for telling him, darn it!!! Oh well.
SO: now, it makes everything a little tougher in the stay/go dept. H tried to justify his behavior to the boys, pointing fingers at me, but they didn't buy it. They both noted that I have made great changes in myself these past months while H has withdrawn.
I'm at least glad to hear that both boys told H that they did NOT want their parents divorced...that they were mad, upset, etc...
D18 also mentioned to me that H told her that he wasn't sure how my dad and brother (and his family) were going to take all of this. Obviously he is thinking about what they are all going to think of him. Of course, he made it sound like he wouldn't be able to tell them that I, their daughter/sister/aunt, was "crazy" and couldn't be lived with. Um, none of my kids agree. He also played the "history rewrite" with the kids, acting like our M has never been any good, which all 3 know differently.
SO: I feel quite disappointed today in this setback. I truly thought things were progressing yet I know this is part of the process.
