Not sure where to start, or end. WAW?

[TimeHeals]

Coach,

I was right there with you until he told me it was a plastic spoon. I still think it's not worth fighting over. It's easier to just use the spoon she wants to use, but... she sounds a bit OCD and overly structured knowing it was a plastic/nylon spoon, so... it is going to be hard to please this woman.

[john28]

[quote]
I suspect she's a tad bit too structured (re: OCD).

Yep, she is. She admits it herself.


Coach - thanks for that explanation. I can understand now how she feels. I'd be pissed if my W did that to my '65 Mustang. I'm going to use that example with her to validate her feelings today. That makes perfect sense. Now I'm able to get inside her head with that example. WOW

[Steve McQueen]

Obviously, it isn't just about cookware, people. But - it is very indicative of the type of things that she belittles me about daily.

what are you getting out of this relationship?

[john28]

she sounds a bit OCD and overly structured knowing it was a plastic/nylon spoon, so... it is going to be hard to please this woman.

Exactly. She is borderline OCD. Has to have things done a certain way.

This is the hard part. She is an acts of service LL person. But, I can't do anything right, ever, if she normally does that.

I have to find a way to do things for her that she wouldn't or couldn't do herself. Like fixing things around the house, stuff like that. But - only when she commits 100% to the M will i do those things.

[john28]

Obviously, it isn't just about cookware, people. But - it is very indicative of the type of things that she belittles me about daily.

what are you getting out of this relationship?

Good question. I'll answer that "as if" everything was fine.

She's very loving. She's very affectionate when I pursue her. She takes care of me - she really does. Examples... she packs my bag for me when I go on business trips, does my laundry, cooks... all the things a loving wife would do for a husband. She encourages me to become a better man. She lets me have guy time without complaining. She tells me she is proud of me. She helps me through troubles with my family. She makes me laugh, makes me smile, and makes me feel alright in this world.

[pinhead]

Yeah, I have some OCD characteristics as well, so that would fit.

[eeyore_no_more]

She's very loving. She's very affectionate when I pursue her. She takes care of me - she really does. Examples... she packs my bag for me when I go on business trips, does my laundry, cooks... all the things a loving wife would do for a husband. She encourages me to become a better man. She lets me have guy time without complaining. She tells me she is proud of me. She helps me through troubles with my family. She makes me laugh, makes me smile, and makes me feel alright in this world.

Lately, or is this just how you'd like to remember her? LBS's tend to rewrite history as well, to only remember the good stuff...

[john28]

Lately, or is this just how you'd like to remember her? LBS's tend to rewrite history as well, to only remember the good stuff...

No, generally we have a pretty good M for the most part. Sure, there are ups/downs, but we were always able to reconnect. This is the deepest down we've ever been in. I can remember plenty of bad times, sure. But, I think our love for each other and our M was more good than bad. The problem is, we've never really solved alot of the issues we have, and that has caused us to be where we are today.

Back in Feb/March of this year, I heard her say the words, "This is the best our M has ever been!" We were the strongest we'd been in years.

[eeyore_no_more]

Back in Feb/March of this year, I heard her say the words, "This is the best our M has ever been!" We were the strongest we'd been in years.

As far as you know, the current EA started about a month later, right around your April blowup. What changed in your M between March and April for your W to open up to someone else, or did the EA start before this, and your W said this to try to convince herself? She did start taking classes with OM in January...

Most LBS's, including myself, thought things were pretty good pre-bomb. I see how you look at your W; how does she look at you?

[Steve McQueen]

The cookware, as ridiculous as it is to fight over, is where the battle was fought because it brought up those bigger issues that they aren't dealing with properly.

pussy foot around the issue. great. dont tell me ya'll stomp out of the room all upset after these type of episodes also, mumbling.

The issue at hand was the crock pot and he said for himself he is a "sucky cook." If you think these types of incidents are battles worth fighting or that you can gain a woman's respect for standing up for yourself after you scratch their telfon, you are saddly mistaken. For god's sake, agree with them, eat your chow then go about your business.

The battle you two need to engage in is not against eachother but against the great pink elephant in the room and your long standing communication problems, address those and you will realize the spoon, the pot, and the chipped teacup have greater meaning when you break the curse.