Saw Mr. A again last night. He called around 11 - he was one town over and wanted to come to the house. I said ok.
I am so hungry for answers. My therapist has been trying to get me off that track for the past year, but it just can't seem to let go. I just want to know what goes through his batchitt crazy head!
Mr. A was talkative last night - more than he has been through this entire ordeal.
Things I found out/he said, in no particular order:
1) There was officially an OW. I thought he was fooling around with several, nothing serious, but he told me last night that there was a serious GF. They lived together for a little while. It makes me sick to write this here, but he actually got her name tatooed on his chest. More on OW later. He says she is out of the picture.
2) He said he never meant to hurt me. F* that!
3) He made a point of saying he did not leave me for OW, she came later. So?
4) He is back living with him mom and step-dad.
5) He is now totally estranged from his only brother.
6) He is spending (comparatively) a lot of time in his/our old stomping ground, the town 20 minutes away where he was last night.
7) He wanted me to agree with him that we were both unhappy when he left. Yes, BUT... I wasn't unhappy to be married to him, I was unhappy that we couldn't seem to get along and I didn't know what to do about it. I was also unhappy - as was he - about some curveballs life was throwing our way. But that just happens sometimes. But I didn't say all this to him last night. It was enough just to barely hold back my tears.
8) Like Gardener said on his thread about his XW, Mr. A still is not happy. Leaving me did NOT solve all his problems.
9) Mr. A is jobless, no longer in school, and living with his mother. He said to me last night that all he has are his thoughts. He is deep in his head right now and he doesn't like it.
10) Mr. A seems lately to be trying to reconnect with old friends and take up some of the hobbies he left behind, and/but he went out by himself last night.
11) He is trying to drink less. He said he feels like he wasted his twenties drinking. I don't agree that he wasted his twenties, but it is good that he wants to cut back on that habit.
12) Mr. A said that he has been sort of "checked out" of life for the past year - no keeping up on news, no keeping up on football (both things that he loves), just not being involved with the rest of the world. Me too - it's called limbo.
I don't know what to do. I don't want to give up opportunities to talk to Mr. A, but he isn't treating me well by coming over here late at night and calling all the shots. I don't want to make things unduly hard for him, nor do I want to support his cake-eating behavior. It's really hard to figure out how to deal with him.
P.S. He also wanted to know about my love life and I told him it's personal.
