Soaring Solo 2010

[iwantittowork]

Gman, boy, I can't keep up with your thread, it grows and grows and grows!

Great stuff in last couple pages, however this stuck out to me from CTH

And it is HAVE TO FIND SOMEONE. I'd say 99 percent of the LBS's who put their X's on pedestals were codependent. I was and still am. I wasn't happy unless she was happy. I am not a whole person unless I have someone with me validating that I'm a great person.

As someone that can also identify with this, and did the same thing, I love your memories and stories, but they also hint to me some of this above.

HAVE TO FIND SOMEONE

The biggest single problem I had in 40 years of living. I always felt I 'had to find someone' and when I did, became co-dependent on them, there happiness tied to mine.

Even up until the past 6 months I have had this, and work hard to prevent it now, and will moving forward.

I spent 2 days with myself just analyzing this at my home, and finally realizing a few things, that really helped get me over the hump, so to speak.

We are always alone: This is more philosophical, but Even when we are 'with' someone, we don't know there true inner thoughts, feelings, just the same as they do not know ours. We can verbalize, talk about them, etc, but under real scrutiny, they are interpretations, etc. This I realize is not a bad thing when you just accept it that this is the case. That does not mean you are 'isolated' from people. There are plenty of people that care about you, including here at this site!

You will be fine with or without someone: Doesn't really need explaining, but I will tell you this, when you really grasp this at a deep and profound level, it will feel like a weight is lifted from your shoulders. As you walk around currently and look at the world, the people, etc, and if you are single and at the core realize that it is 'ok!'

Live in the here and now! This could be the biggest, most important one that I have been working on myself. When I reflect on my past now, and it brings up emotions, or when I think about the future and it does the same, I realize I am not in the 'present' and I use a word association to bring me back.

I can not change the past.
I can not predict the future.

And at the same time, just accept whatever emotion is running through me, and repeat the above. It works for me, and the emotional state I was in subsides.

The combination of these things has opened me up to new experiences, and also a new woman in my life, when I took all the above, and went outside my previous boundaries, and approached her where in the past I would not have.

Living without fear most of the time now, of my past, of my future, of whatever comes my way, has been so opening and made for truly happy moments, that I know that we all can find.

I hope I am not rambling to much here, and about my own sitch, but hope you pull some bits out of it to apply to your own sitch, as I have done so with so many of yours.

Peace G-man!