Stitching together a new quilt

[FindingMyVoice]

the importance of being able to forgive, before you begin piecing.

Key, very very key.

Yes, I think folks often talk about it like it can be a task on a things-to-do list - like somehow you just decide you're going to forgive and then do it. But I just don't get that. I'm sure it's different with everyone and that some folks can do this. But with me, it was different. When I wasn't ready to, there was nothing on Gods green earth that was going to make me be able to. That element of compassion was missing still at that point - that's why I couldn't forgive. But after all those discussions (aka scraps! - some of them anyways!) on our holidays, and I could finally start understanding that even his actions and words that I found most hurtful and antagonistic, were actually expressions of his hurt and pain - that's what tipped the scale for me. I didn't want either of us to be hurting that badly any more.

That said, you're off to a good start then.

Thanks again dday, it really helps to hear encouragement like that.

But, now that we have that understanding of each other, she understands, yes, some comments were uncalled for, but have been on the back of my mind. Point is, it's like every other step along the way in this whole thing, you get better in time and the frequency will get less and less.

Yes I can SO relate to how tough it is to get those 'back-of-the-mind' thoughts out in a good way!! I remember talking with my IC about it and she had some excellent input. She said that when emotions are high, sometimes things just don't come out the way we want them to. It's inevitable because we're human. Granted we always want to strive to be self-aware speak what we need to respectfully, but you know, we're just not perfect beings so we need to treat our own mistakes with as much compassion and understanding as we do others.

...not only do you want to eliminate words like "always" and "never" from your thought pattern, you to eliminate it from your vocabulary with your H. Especially during the time when your trying to get your point across about something with him.

Oh and I'm sorry - I forgot that you had mentioned that before too! That for me, will be a tall order. I read a good part of that book this weekend and was amazed by how much of it was what I was doing. A pessimist to the core! So I've got something else to begin working on! It's kind of like the house isn't it... there's really never an end to projects that need some care! Anyways thanks again for your insights, dday - have a great day!