I tried everything to find out if she is having an A including
Checking email GPS Challenged her on cellphone once and she just handed it over keylogger voice recorder in her car A friend of a Friend works with her and he said no rumors at work
and found nothing. Of course I realize I may have missed something. i was not looking for something so I could bust the A but rather was looking for something that i could use to put the nail in the coffin. With me so long as there is no OP involved there is always a chance no matter how slim.
The problem in getting a GF to parade out with is if either one of us is with someone else i count the M as over in my eyes. This is just one of MY personal boundaries. I understand that some people get over this and it doesn't necessarily have to be the end but it is with me.
Just had the best weekend since all this began 4 months ago. Hung out with some good friends. Spent some great times with my S. Just a very easy going and enjoyable weekend. Left my cell off so she couldn't contact me and actually thought very little about her of the sitch over the whole weekend. Never even got to the forum here which for me is a good sign.
The reason it was sooo relaxing was i didn't have to deal with her or her issues. Sunday night i was kicking back having a couple of cold ones by a friends pool and thinking separation wont be too bad and in fact probably a step up from what i am living with now.
Got home late and she was still up. She asked what i was up to and i just said enjoying the weekend and asked how hers went and she just said ok but looked kind of depressed.
Initially i was depressed about looking at a new home for me and my S but now I am starting to see it as a new beginning and looking forward to living without the anger. i know it will be difficult coming back to an empty house but it really will be preferable to seeing her every day in her current state.
Why soooooooo angry when they are getting what they are asking for. It also seems that the closer she is to being set free the worse she gets.
Why soooooooo angry when they are getting what they are asking for. It also seems that the closer she is to being set free the worse she gets.
Strangely, Khudoo, that is very much SCRIPT in these situations. I think it's because -- because I assume we are all marrying basically DECENT people of character -- that their current behavior is in CONFLICT with their true character and beliefs, and they are NOT happy. At least I'd like to hope so.
btw, you handled your entire weekend -- including the interaction with your wife -- VERY well.
My problem is i don't feel i am DBing now that we are separating. I have just given up hope that anything is going to get fixed and just setting myself up to get on with my life.
When dealing with her I don't really care what she thinks about anything and only consider the impact on me and my S.
Right now i am just being cool and clinical while winding down the financials as i want to keep emotion out of this but be completely transparent so it is not a bone of contention in the future.
I always thought that if she forced us out of our home and disrupted the kids lives then that was it for me. That day seems to be on its way.
Not sure how I could ever regain the trust after this.
like you I hope that we married people of character but after reading some of the stuff on this board and living thru my own sitch sometimes I wonder.
Strange thing is I still love her but am beginning to wonder if that is a flaw in my own brain. How do we have feelings for someone who put us and the ones we love most (Kids ) through this.
Why not drop the ones with the bad past record, improve what we need to with ourselves and just move on.
Khudoo, you are doing DB. You're just doing it for yourself now. And I suspect/expect that it'll have more of an affect on your W since the change will be obvious.
So whats the difference between DB and just walking out and saying screw it I'm done and I dont really give a cr#p anymore. Seems like they are the same thing to me.
I am just coming to the realization that i am not really making any changes except finding a new place to live. I like who i am and am very happy ( aside from this ) have a great life and actually gave my W a pretty good lifestyle, put her through school to start a new career and made sure she always knew she was loved.
I am not really sure why the fact that she is unhappy and wants to get out there on the market ( if she hasn't already ) should cause me to change.
Everyone is telling her she is nutz and I havent had anyone advise me to clean my act up. the only advice i have got from her friends, family and our joint friends is to dump her and let her see what the real world is like. They also said screw her if she tries to reconcile and you can do a lot better.
So why should I change other than the normal life changes and experience based changes that we all go through.
I think that you've already realized what you want to do. Without her really being honest about the source of her "unhappiness" there's not much you can do. Even then, the cause may not be anything you can change in yourself.
So whats the difference between DB and just walking out and saying screw it I'm done and I dont really give a cr#p anymore. Seems like they are the same thing to me.
That's a great question. In the latter, you say "This is who I am, I don't need you anymore." In the former (DBing), you convey "This is who I am, I've realized I don't NEED you anymore, but I still WANT you along with me on my journey," (but I'm not willing to violate my own Boundaries of Personal Integrity just for the privilege of having you along).
Needing a spouse is enmeshment, co-dependent, and NOT healthy. WANTING them is good, and the difference between your two examples, Khudoo.
You want her to be your frosting, not your cake. YOU are your cake, and you have to be okay with that.
