For me..I think the fear is living the rest of my life without my H in it. If that makes any sense. I know I would be ok on my own, could find someone else, find things to do with my time when I am alone, etc. But, the fear for me is that we will both go our own ways and I will always be missing him, thinking about what he's doing, remembering the hopes and dreams we had.
I don't feel like I'm "the spouse of..." I know I have my own identity. It's just that I built this dream, this life we would have together..in my own mind...and I want that. I always felt that we could get thru anything together, could be so happy as we grew old together..the key word being "together".
Anyway, I have a question for all of you. I told you guys that we went to see the new MC a week ago. He was awesome. We both really liked him. When we left, the MC told us not to talk about our session for two days..just to digest all that we talked about. Well, you know how that goes, we talked about it a little, but not as much as we would have if he hadn't told us not to. The new MC also told us that when we talked about the session on Wednesday, to then decide if we wanted to make another appt and come back. I asked him about his schedule and the possibility of getting on a regular rotating weekly appt schedule. He said he didn't see a problem with that. Well, my H and I talked on Wed. and decided to go back, so I called and talked to his secretary and told her that we wanted to get on a weekly schedule. I asked about Mondays at 6:00 pm..she said she'd have to talk to the MC and get back to me on that. She left me a msg on Saturday and told me that the MC said to wait until the 18th when our next appt is and that he would talk to us about the weekly schedule then. My question is this: do you think that the MC said that because he doesn't think there is any hope of us working this out and that there is no reason to plan for a weekly schedule at this time? Or am I looking too deeply into it? The guys is VERY VERY busy..so maybe he wanted to get a feel for how much help we were going to need before we talked about future dates..my thinking was that it would be better to set aside the dates as far in advance as possible so we could get a time..since he's got so many people wanting to get into see him. But maybe he saw something when we were there and just doesn't think we have a chance to make it work between us. I don't know why I think that. It just seems weird to me that the MC wouldn't be more open to me setting aside future dates when he knows that his schedule is so full, unless there is some other reason. He is a pretty smart guy..has a PHD in Psychology and is a speaker and trainer for other psychologists. Teaches at the local college.
And sorry..one other question..I set up 3 dates to see him this month (these are not a weekly-type time slot, just random openings he had)..my H just told me he will be out of town for one of them..do you think I should ask him if I could go alone to that one..or would that seem like I was trying to bias the overall tone? There are some questions that I'd like to ask privately..things I can do to help move things forward, things not to do, midlife crisis questions, etc.
