Soaring Solo 2010

[ClingingToHope]

My contribution in this would be that there are basically two types of guys -- ones who are loyal and ones always on the hunt.

My STBXW is like the WAS you describe above -- she emotionally checked out on the M four years ago and physically checked out about two years ago.

The more I did to take stress off of her in terms of housework, financial, parental, the more she resented me for it.

And when I moved out -- at her behest -- for the longest time I forgot or buried all of the pain she put me through and put her on a pedestal. I remembered the best of her. The R before the M and the early years before we had kids and we had just each other and all of these plans.

I am loyal. I was comfortable. I liked the idea of us. I thought I could fix us.

There's also fear of the unknown. That's a big part of it. You look around when you are unhappy and wonder what if. But you don't really want to go back out there and have to find someone again.

And it is HAVE TO FIND SOMEONE. I'd say 99 percent of the LBS's who put their X's on pedestals were codependent. I was and still am. I wasn't happy unless she was happy. I am not a whole person unless I have someone with me validating that I'm a great person.

My daughters can't do it. My friends can't do it. My coworkers can't do it. Only another female.

That's what I'm trying to beat.