"The M you have reached has been disconnected...."

[ClingingToHope]

I miss being married. I don't miss being married to XW. I miss being a family but I don't miss being a family under the recent circumstances. Do I wish that things could have been different and that my kids were living in the house we built and together under one roof with two parents? Yes.

I am going through the exact same emotions -- except for a small change.

I miss being a family too, although the family with STBXW wasn't all that fun. I took the girls yesterday to Six Flags Great America and recruited one of D11's friends to come along because D8 can't ride the bigger rides.

It was an excellent day on many levels. I found myself only occasionally looking at the married couples working together, enjoying a great moment in their children's lives together.

Last year it seemed as if the marital bliss surrounding me would crush me.

Today, I took the day off to go swimming with them again.

The girls deserve better than they've gotten -- a mother so down about her life that she'd blow up their future in search of what? This week it's happiness from a bottle in Sturgis S.D.

My change to yours is right now I hate STBXW. That person I married is gone, replaced by this selfish one and I can't stand the fact it's going to take me 3 to 5 years to rebuild my finances. It's 3- to 5-years of D8's and D11's childhood I can't have back.