I want to be part of the group...

[Jstar]

for a week i did a test on h.

i suggested he visit with the kids each day for some time and each day he declined, i'm to busy, gotta cut these palm trees, no not on your schedule and when i asked for i don't know the millionth time for him to give me a schedule - crickets were chirpring.

[Jstar]

i filled out the divorce paperwork, gonna get blank calendars to go along with my work schedule and submit it with them for the parenting time-visits.

h asked me for my acct number to deposit money, taht was 3 days ago, still no money, JUST TO BUSY

[Jstar]

I need some help with this issue on how to see it as something good not end or negative or irrisponsibility.

H is trying to rent a house with his parents, normal family's not a bad thing, but his illegal, don't really work and h will be paying for everything.

how can i see this as a positive move rather then sentencing on going in the direction of divorce

[Jstar]

Is it concidered cheating if you have been seperated from spouse for over 9 months, either with ea/pa?

I know my take but just wondering on others???

[Jstar]

Update:

Thursday was my first day back at work, yes school year is off and running again-teachers go back a week prior to students.

Since July I have tried in so many ways to have h agree toa schedule, discuss a schedule, dictate a schedule, ask for a schedule, so thursday morn I shop up to work with my 5 1/2 month old and 3 yr old.

i stayed in room during meetings as long as possible but had to leave because kids were just being kids. i worked some but did not return to work today for mandatory meetings.

h kept saying well i will pick them up but not watch them in ur house, so i caved and guess what he did NOT pick them up.

i'm not blubbering or weakend, i'm totally and completely frustrated. so i ask h what's it gonna take for you to be a father, he says for me to be nice. so i send h a msg, lets set up a time to discuss schedule yet again some time this weekend.

meantime he has a female on his fb thati have no clue who she is, she's not on any of his family's or friends page either.

what did i accomplish today: sold my car 400, sold bbq 50, put some other stuff on craigslist even about child care and renting a room.

i even came up with a plan once i get a car to collect allum cans to turn in for money. if h is not going to support us financially i'm gonna do it without him and lethim fry in court. for even more extra money i will babysit kids on the weekend and summers, maybe even teach an extra class after school to get some extra money or coach. means less time with my kids, kills me but i m trying to feel good about for trying to provide them with a stable home, food, health insurance and screw him if he doesn't give us a penny.

i'm a teacher with a master's degree, veteran, been to the divorce rodeo before he has not, he won't get an attorney i will this time.

[newmama]

Jstar,I admit I stopped following your thread because it was confusing to keep up with you changing your mind about whether to save your marriage or to divorce your H.

Right now, it is clear that you are overwhelmed by all the financial and family obligations (duh!).

Please remind me: Have you met with a lawyer yet? Use credit cards if you have to or look up free legal assistance for your county. In your complicated case (being married to an illegal immigrant--wait, I guess you were never married, then, right?) It is especially crucial for you to have legal advice!

Another thing you can do for money: self stuff on craigslist!

[Jstar]

i can agree how confusing it is, i'm living it. i have spoken to 1 atty, yes we are legally married.

i go from living life without him me and the kids and if he comes around it upsets us all. i want my marriage but i think for the wrong reasons, h is not ever going to be th ehusband and father we need, want and deserve.

Craigslist is my best friend, exactly where i've been selling the items.

it was super hard finanicially since i was on maternity leave for 3-4 months unpaid and my last check at the end of the school year was not even 1/4 its usual amount, due to the maternity leave. it's just getting back to normal later this month with my pay.

is it so horrible to hate someone and yet not able to detach.

[newmama]

Yep, I think you want your marriage for the wrong reasons and you deserve way more!

Also, you do have some really hard obstacles like money and daycare. I think IC through your work would help you but who will watch the kids?

And I am ignorant, honestly--I didn't realize your marriage could be legal if you weren't married to a citizen and FYI I am not conservative or anti-immigration (to a point)so I was not trying to be rude when I asked if your marriage was legal! I was just wondering!

So did your attorny help at all? Can you go to another?

[Jstar]

Attorney stated that his citizenship does not stop him from being a father. i have serious concerens that attorney stated i must have put in as stipulations if we were to divorce.

i can't put my kids in daycare, i'd be working to put them in daycare.

oh no i don't see you as being rude. thing is his family jumped the border some years ago, and i've been tore for a very long time between a man i love and what my values and morals are.

i've just been thinking lately and when i say h's fb, in all his interests it 's about drinking, clubbing, dancing. nothing in it is about family, children. to me that just shreds my heart,.

[Jstar]

okay i found someone to watch my kids, not just sooooooooooo worried about them while i'm gone all day till 7pm tomorrow night.

please lord keep my kids safe and happy!

i sent h a no contact msg.