WAH and LBW separated and dark

[DumpedforMIL]

Do you understand that this is 2 different things?

there was something wrong with my statement when i read it a second time.
i don't want my old marriage. saving my marriage implies that i want my old marriage back. and i don't.

are they really the same? i married my bff.

One would not be scared of their BFF.

well, at this point .. we're not bff.
i don't know what he is and that has me scared.

"i wanted to know what was going on with my h."

Cause there has to be something wrong with him.. right?

ahem .. mind reading?
i didn't say that there was something wrong with him.
but i wanted to know why he was saying the things he was saying. i wanted to understand where he was coming from. i also wanted to voice my side .. to a bunch of strangers.

"i wanted to know if things can be turned around."

So what do you think now?

i yo-yo. most of the time, i don't think it's possible. doesn't matter how much db-ing i do.

it's like when i talk about my changes. i'm happy with my changes. i am honestly in a better place than i was 2 months ago.

but like i said, i try not to think about whether he sees my changes or not. i feel like he's on purposely avoiding me so he doesn't see the changes and this way, he won't be swayed. he's familiar with this db technique. all he has to do is hide from me until mid october and then he moves into his new home and never has to see me again. i can't show up at the same squash club as him because then i'll appear to be stalking or following him.

i don't even think about the weight he gained or whether he is avoiding me because of his weight gain. i gotta keep in mind that he might be stunning. so i can't let myself go .. heck no, this is a competition, right?

"but i am still here. still posting."

Why?

because i'm not done yet.
because whining and complaining isn't going to make me happier. it won't solve the problem.
i'm better off playing the game hard.

i still have to meet with him. i could chicken out and just let the l handle it. i'm not ready for it yet. am i still feeling loving towards him? when i think he's avoiding me on purpose, then i don't feel foolish for feeling loving. i feel like he's thwarting my db efforts. and yes, i'm mind reading. minor setback. oops. i should get half marks for recognizing it.

I intend on taking small steps here.. but will refer back to this post.

Off we go...

where are we going next? august is coming to an end soon. i have two months left.

i forgot to add. i didn't find his posts. but that doesn't mean he can't lurk.