My Rollercoaster Continues

[2gthrButApart]

Started a new thread, since the title of my old one is no longer true, we aren't separated but living together, we are separated, living 2 hours apart.

Here's a thread to my current rollercoaster
Previous Thread

My almost 8 year old finally said a little something regarding her feelings today, but it was brushed off as "we'll talk later" b/c it was just as WAH was leaving to go back home. He always thought I made things up when I tell him the things the girls say, but this time she said while he was here "it's not fair we only get to spend a day and a half with daddy"

I know he will brush it off as "when daddy gets his own place you can spend more time with me" He's currently living with his slob sister, and her "habits" aren't exactly ones I'd like the kids around, so they're not allowed to sleep over there. He spends every wknd up here, visiting them, from fri nite-sun nite.

Next Friday is my birthday, he's working the ENTIRE weekend, covering 3 extra shifts at work, talk about avoidance. So the kids won't see him till the 20th, then he's meeting his lawyer the 30th to file.

I feel dumb, since the bomb, I've made a bit of a special occasion for both of his b-days. I do it b/c I care, but it's obvious I need to stop b/c I come across as a push-over.

[punkin]

You can't even file in my State if you/your partner is pregnant.

Sorry things have worked out this way for you, but sometimes, absence DOES make the heart grow fonder. If he is only there on weekends, and sees changes in you week to week to week, becoming more and more independent, it just may change his way of thinking.

He's going to the lawyer on the 30th? He plans these things a month ahead of time? Sounds like BS to me. At least he is showing love and responsibility towards your daughters, and that is something to be thankful for. My H filed in April. I contested. There she sits, gathering dust. Nothing since.

Try to think in terms of you and your children. Moving forward as a family of 4, not 5.

Do you stay at the home when he comes on weekends? Maybe you should go out and GAL for yourself, leave him with ALL the responsibility.

[2gthrButApart]

I'm not sure he will admit to his L that I'm pregnant, just so that He can file.

He contacted a L on 7/22....she gave him an appt for 8/30. I saw the letter from his L. He made sure he printed it off when he was here, before he left today. He asked for my help with my printer and I said "funny the person you're dying to get rid of is the person you're asking for help" I know it was wrong but I'm sick of him bringing up the D every sunday before he leaves. Completely out of nowhere every single time. And always after a decent wknd where he sees me 180's.

I told him "don't ask me to help you fill out this paperwork for the D, b/c I'm not. This was YOUR idea, this is on you. This isn't something I agreed to so you're on your own" ..... he said he will do it on his own.

The paperwork asks for my Social Security number and such, let him dig through old tax returns for it. I won't make this easy on him.

[2gthrButApart]

Do you stay at the home when he comes on weekends? Maybe you should go out and GAL for yourself, leave him with ALL the responsibility.

Yes I do, I have NOWHERE to go LOL..... ALL of my friends are 2 hours away, and since I'm not the type to spread my business, my family still doesn't know. They obviously know he lives 2 hours away, but they assume it's just b/c it's more convenient for him b/c of his job. So I wouldn't go spend the wknd with any of them b/c then all the questions begin.

I'm not ready to "talk" especially with all of these hormones, I cry quicker.

This board is my ONLY release.

[punkin]

2g,
This board is an excellent release, but you are human, and IMHO, because of those hormones, you need human contact. If you have to travel, so be it. Do you have a friend that will come to you? A family member you trust above all others?

None of my Business, but when you have this baby, you will need someone to be there for you emotionally and physically, and I know they won't let a laptop in the labor and delivery room.

Are you religious? A pastor could connect you with a support group in your area, so you could essentially remain anonymous.

We LBS's on the Board will always be here for you, but you need an actual human contact/friend/confidant. And so what if you cry, we all cry, including most of the men on this board, although only 50% will admit it. Pregnancy is tough enough without going through it alone.

Personally, I think your H is blowing smoke up your skirt. Can you imagine how he would look taking a pregnant woman, a HUGELY pregnant woman to court? What an a@@hat.

[2gthrButApart]

I share my sitch with a good friend, but I guess lately she's tired of hearing about it so she just keeps telling me to give up already. She eventually gave up on her WAH, he then decided he wanted to come back home, but she's happy now and chose not to R.

I know in my heart my M has no chance of R. There are way too many signs already. WAH is out to prove himself. He'll do it at any cost to me.

He's one person fri & sat, and even sun morning. But buy the time its time for him to head home he brings up D once again for no reason at all.

I think he "was" blowing smoke up my skirt, until the past month or so. Now he's dead set on filing. I don't think anything will stop him.

Today after he printed off the papers for his L, I was frustrated so I went into my room, I was reading some DB forums on my phone. About 20 mins later he peeks in and asks if "baby" is awake, I said yes, he said "it's baby time" hops onto my bed and starts playing with my stomach to get baby to kick him.

I used to think things like that meant something, but I'm beginning to face reality. It has to do with him and baby, nothing to do with me.

When he left he stood at the bottom of the steps so I can say bye to him, I gave him an awkward kiss on the cheek.

The last statement to him was the one from my DD7, about spending only a day and a half with him.

Supposedly he was heading to the gym as soon as he got back to town. Who knows? But I'll con't to be distant this week. I keep telling myself "don't bother saying anything that shows a reaction b/c it won't change crap about the sitch, so save yourself the emotions" I suppose that's a 180 for me. Tomorrow makes a wk I've been trying this approach.

DD7 took a notebook and a pencil to write WAH a letter and some questions he has yet to answer for her. She knows she will not be seeing him next weekend so she is sad. She told me she feels "sick" I think that's her explanation for the uneasy feeling in her stomach. She didn't want dinner wither. He gave them each money to buy me a gift for m b-day. It'll be my 1st b-day in 14 yrs w/o him around. Guess it's time to get used to it. Some days I just hate life.

[punkin]

Only you can say when. If that is how you truly feel, then go with it, but if there is any doubt in your heart, give yourself 48 hours before acting. I know that when I screw up good, it's because I acted out because I was thinking with my feet, not my head.

Yep, as the saying goes,life sucks and then you die. But they also say Life is what you make it. Don't let his decisions have control over your life. If he's made it so clear he doesn't want to be a part of that life, then . . . . .

By the way, what is the "crap" you can stop?

[Twink]

2G, I haven't posted to you before, but I just want to say that your situation breaks my heart. When I feel sorry for myself about being left after 40 years together, I think of how hard it must be for you to deal with this while you are pg w/ #3. My H had some ONS's when I was pg with #2. That was hard enough, but we got through, and I thought we did it in the right way. Nevertheless, here I am again.

I believe that our Hs will eventually need to deal with what they've done to those of us who knew and loved them best. It's small comfort right now, I know, but I would much rather be me than him.

((Hugs))

[2gthrButApart]

WAH just called and spoke to DD7, she asked him why can't he live closer (breaks my heart!!!!) He said "b/c then I'd have to find a place of my own up there b/c mommy and I can't be together" What a BS line. She hung up the phone screaming in agony "daddy says you guys can't be together...why????????"

I told her "sweetie, those are questions you have to ask daddy, just know this is something he's choosing, I didn't choose this, and I don't agree with it, but you have to talk to daddy to get answers"

UGH!!! I hate seeing my baby so heartbroken. My father left when I was 4, I found out when I was 26 the reason WHY, and not from either parent. My aunt finally told me it was b/c my mom had an affair. I lived for 22 yrs with unanswered questions. I've lived with pain and fear for 24 years. The very thing I tried so damn hard to avoid for my kids, and now they're living it.

[2gthrButApart]

I can't help but think at times like this, that he's being a damn puppet and letting someone coach his dumb ass on what to say. Asking idiots for advice on how to approach a 7 yr olds heart ache. I'm so sick of this