My Rollercoaster Continues

[2gthrButApart]

I share my sitch with a good friend, but I guess lately she's tired of hearing about it so she just keeps telling me to give up already. She eventually gave up on her WAH, he then decided he wanted to come back home, but she's happy now and chose not to R.

I know in my heart my M has no chance of R. There are way too many signs already. WAH is out to prove himself. He'll do it at any cost to me.

He's one person fri & sat, and even sun morning. But buy the time its time for him to head home he brings up D once again for no reason at all.

I think he "was" blowing smoke up my skirt, until the past month or so. Now he's dead set on filing. I don't think anything will stop him.

Today after he printed off the papers for his L, I was frustrated so I went into my room, I was reading some DB forums on my phone. About 20 mins later he peeks in and asks if "baby" is awake, I said yes, he said "it's baby time" hops onto my bed and starts playing with my stomach to get baby to kick him.

I used to think things like that meant something, but I'm beginning to face reality. It has to do with him and baby, nothing to do with me.

When he left he stood at the bottom of the steps so I can say bye to him, I gave him an awkward kiss on the cheek.

The last statement to him was the one from my DD7, about spending only a day and a half with him.

Supposedly he was heading to the gym as soon as he got back to town. Who knows? But I'll con't to be distant this week. I keep telling myself "don't bother saying anything that shows a reaction b/c it won't change crap about the sitch, so save yourself the emotions" I suppose that's a 180 for me. Tomorrow makes a wk I've been trying this approach.

DD7 took a notebook and a pencil to write WAH a letter and some questions he has yet to answer for her. She knows she will not be seeing him next weekend so she is sad. She told me she feels "sick" I think that's her explanation for the uneasy feeling in her stomach. She didn't want dinner wither. He gave them each money to buy me a gift for m b-day. It'll be my 1st b-day in 14 yrs w/o him around. Guess it's time to get used to it. Some days I just hate life.