Thank you very much MHL & Lance. It is true, I have been questioning my decisions much lately. I know that your first instinct is most often the right instinct, and my first instinct was to hang in there. I always appreciate a male point of view. Venus & Mars, you know.
All my H wants from me at the moment is to sign a waiver so he can get a mtg. on a house and land. While I feel it will be a mistake for him, I suppose as long as it does not effect me or my credit, I should let him make his own mistakes. He seems to be pushing for that, not for the D.
With my daughter moving back in, even as we speak, I will be observing the break up of a marriage from a wholly different angle. In this case, it is my SIL who will have to decide to stand or not.
All my H wants from me at the moment is to sign a waiver so he can get a mtg. on a house and land. While I feel it will be a mistake for him, I suppose as long as it does not effect me or my credit, I should let him make his own mistakes. He seems to be pushing for that, not for the D.
And that me friend is unconditional love!!!
You want to show him what he is missing, the next time he asks you about it just be agreeable and say "Okay".
When you take what "you want" and what "you desire" out of your communication with him you will start to feel differently. I agree with you and you do not need to help him 1 bit with the divorce and you certainly need to protect yourself.
These are the steps that will lead you to the place where you will no longer "question" your decisions.
Hope your day is getting better.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
New thought guys. If I'm to believe nothing he says and only 50% of what he does, does his adamant desire to purchase a house and land away from ourhome mean he's really, completely gone or not. I mean, if he's so into this he's ready to commit to a mtg. 80 miles away, not rent; am I wasting my time hoping for a miracle?
I hate to say this punkin but trying to decipher anything about the way they feel while they are in replay is really a waste of time. He might be caving in to pressure from the OW, who knows.
Trying to listen to anything they are feeling until after they break withdrawal is not really a good use of time. You will see one thing at one time and something else five mins. later.
Explain to me why YOU must sign off on this mortgage? I am confused why your name must be on it. It seems like for you that might be a bad idea, but maybe I don't understand.
It is not my name on the mortgage, but rather a waiver that allows him to buy it in his name, and that I can't make any sort of claim on it in the future. It protects the mortgager from being caught up in a court case. My name is not on the mortgage, the deed, anything.
You are right about pressure from OW. I forgot that piece of the recipe. Verrrry Interresstting.
It is probably no different than an MLCer buying a new Harley or taking a trip to Europe with OW! I'd say it means nothing when they are in the middle of replay!!!! Just don't let it affect YOU financially!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Ok but will he be using any of YOUR marital assets to buy this new place?
This is exactly what I was getting at when I said, on thread page 2,
Originally Posted By: Twink
until you are D'ed, you have some potential rights to anything and everything that your H does with your marital assets.
It sounds as if he wants to use marital assets for the down payment, and will be using them for the monthly payments. With the signed waiver, that's the same as taking a chunk of marital assets for his own use without giving you an equal amount. At the very least, you should document what those amounts are now and going forward so that you can factor them into a future separation of finances, if any.
Last edited by Twink; 08/08/1011:23 PM.
M 65 H 64 T 39 & M 36 @ S 12/08 Two Ds
Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy. ~ The Weather Man
Humor will get you thru almost anything!