It sounds like he's trying... If he cans the negative talk and starts following your boundaries implicitly you may not need to confront.
What is he doing now that is violating the boundary list you have set up?
Did you add anything to the boundary list posted?
Are your kids ok with that list?
They need to know if he crosses a boundary that they need to call him on it and WALK AWAY
If all three of you call him on boundary violations and then EXIT before he gets defensive and all three of you KEEP that UP I think that's a pretty solid wall he won't break
