I think many spouses want romance, but it fades in real life. This isn't the movies. Both spouses MUST keep feeding that side of a M or it dies. I explained to H this morning, (at my backsliding peril) that a sx life falters because one or both are angry and hurt, neither spouse wants to "give up" the hurt, both take an Alpha dog stance, and M get worse and worse until "the bomb" drops.
I am feeling same as you. I am tired, stressed out, burned out, every darn day, I would love to have a hug. I cannot sleep well, and when I do, I have bizarre dreams. I am worn out and think the whole M problems could be worked out and we could all have normal lives. Call me Pollyanna.
Yes, you and I and all others on this site have worked our butts off changing, acting happy when we are dying inside. The WAS seems to only focus on all the shitty things we did. I told H, I know you are hurting, we BOTH are.I also said that he was making a decision that greatly affects both our lives. I am sick to my stomach thinking of becoming another D statistic. Been there, done that already. 60% of second M's fail. I told H you'd think we'd both be smarter since we both were married once already.I also told H that people say they will "change" ( I said it many times), every time a problem comes up in M, but we really don't identify what it is we need to change and thus we fail to make any real changes. I made a list of what behaviors I used to do (still do at times) and doing the opposite behavior is now my goal. Sometimes I do great, other times, not so great. But I have been humbled to admit I need to change the negative behaviors.
I think you are stronger than you may be feeling right now. I see a strong theme in your posts. I think we take a step or two forward, feel "okay", then reality of it all hits us and we take a step backward.I think this is normal. Those of us going through this hell right now aren't wishing for a movie life like a WAS, we just want our LIFE BACK, so we can have a real chance to make it great. I really believe those of us on this site had a 2x4 moment and we are finally awake.
Your W will not have as high a quality of life as she currently has. HER choice, not yours. Stay strong on the money part. Your WAS will have to make sacrifices in her "new life". WAS's cannot have their cake and eat it too.
