She's in MLC, but I was weak. Now what?

[crushednstuck]

Ironic question Punkin. My W accused me of never wanting sex and I don't remember it that way. I can't speak to the hydraulic question but I know there can be some self fulfilling elements of putting too much pressure on the event. Often my W and I would be in the neighbor's hot tub (clothed) - all our kids playing upstairs. I would take the kids home and put them in bed at a reasonable hour. W would come home hammered hours later. By that time I'm pissed off and want nothing to do with her. I've realized there are underlying elements for both of our reactions though. I was pulling away from her bossiness and seeming lack of responsibility. She wanted privacy (my mom living with us). There are other issues, but we both were going opposite ways.
When I failed to live up to my own principles and gave in to temptation and jumped at the need for confidence boosting, I didn't have my A game, because I think I knew deep down that I wasn't done with my M and this was not the right thing to do. And I was nervous as hell.
I do know anything endangering my performance is a very sensitive situation. I ride road bicycles and spent a lot of time in the saddle, periodically things go numb. I'd obsess about it at night to the point I would sneak off and prove to myself things still worked right.
I imagine the contrast must have been tough for your H being the highly potent and trained defender of freedom and feeling perhaps powerless in bed.