I am so terribly sorry about your brother but filled with much happiness to read your full report. It is an amazing aspect of life when we are granted, as a gift (and yes, they are gifts) a wake up call. Sometimes the wake up calls are gentle nudges but I tend to believe sometimes they *have* to be far more intense for us to "get it".
The human body and mind are amazingly resilient, no? We so often strain ourselves with unhealthy acts be it poor eating habits or damaging thought patterns. Somehow though are body, our internal systems, still keep giving us opportunities to choose something different.
I tend to agree and can actually really relate to what somebody else said... when one major life event happens it somehow seems to reactivate very deep feelings about the WAS. I recently told a friend that my H is my "go to" thought when I am pissed off. The scar he helped create is so "infected" that any other issues in my life (ones that have NOTHING to do with him) seem to carry me back to the raging infection that is *him*. I fully admit that is not healthy or probably not fair but the trauma of infidelity and divorce courses through us for a very long time.
On Friday I had a meltdown of epic proportions. I cried for hours and eventually fell in to such a deep sleep I heard nothing. Purging to the point of exhaustion was what I needed in that moment of time. It doesn't matter why it happened. My mind and body sent me a message that on that day, something had to give. And maybe that is what you are experiencing... a similar kind of purging that your mind and body know you need.
One can't move forward until they clear the sh*t from the road that stands in front of them. Maybe that is what your mind is helping you do.
I send the very best wishes to your brother and his family and of course to you as you make room on the road that is in front of you.
