Regarding my long post yesterday, I think that writing things down facilitated my subconscious thought processes while sleeping, so I just want to share what I realized this morning as I was slowly coming out of sleep..........
First, the foundation for interactions like yesterday, when XH came to the house (the house we had lived in together --- I bought it), was laid about 5 months after the bomb when H/XH first began to drop his angry demeanor. I told him then that he would always be welcome in this house. About 7 months later, when his sister (X-SIL) began reconnecting she told me one day that that meant a lot to her brother. I have always welcomed him into this house.
Second,.....yesterday XH told me that he is beginning to have a fair amount of pain in his knee now even with walking and thinks that he may have no choice but to have a knee replacement sooner, rather than later. I realized as I was coming out of sleep this morning that this must really be making him think about the single life he has chosen. He would be off his feet for 2-3 months if he has surgery. He is co-owner of a small business, so this would dramatically affect his business. In addition, his mother needs a lot of attention and becomes more belligerent (due to Alzheimers) if no one visits regularly. Finally, he lives alone now in a 2 story house. Having to take care of yourself when you can't bear weight is difficult and not fun, especially if you have to navigate 3 levels of a house! 8 years ago I broke my ankle rollerblading and had surgery. I was living alone and couldn't bear weight for 2 1/2 months. The simplest tasks became a tactical nightmare. Grocery shopping, laundry, showers,....and just carrying a beverage from one room to the next ---- impossible to do without spilling on crutches. It was actually this experience that made me decide that I needed to settle down and find a life partner...............
XH is not currently talking to his 30 year BMF so this guy is not a resource currently..........and even if he was, BMF is pretty narcissistic and is not the type to help someone post-operatively. I used to be an ICU nurse and cared for XH after 2 day surgeries while we were together, so he knows that I know what to do with a post-op patient.
........Just thinking that this must be weighing on his mind in some way. It will be interesting to see how this all comes together in the end (kinda like a Seinfeld episode ;-) ).
