My New LBS Reality

[irishblessings]

Punkin -
I am glad you asked the question / last night was a little tough - you know "another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody" thing - so I'm trolling around the internet - reading whatever helps me keep the faith and keep moving forward. I hit that "rejoice ministries" site and there was some pretty helpful stuff there.

So I wake up at 3am - check on my S and find he and his friend and their girlfriends asleep in the living room (girls don't have curfew!!??) - so I wake them up - send girls home. Of course it was an "accident" - just tell son to go to bed. Process with him this morning - get the 16 year old's defense mechanism - I remain calm and try not to overreact - hug him before he leaves for his bb game.
When he leaves - I break down again. Why doesn't H want me? What did I do? How was I so horrible to live with that he has walked out on me and my S and Ds? I am trying so hard to keep things stable and structured for S but I'm getting so tired. I have to work - I have to sleep - I have to be strong. H and I are NOT co-parenting - this is on me right now.

That rejoice ministries site's hosts are this couple who were married and then divorced 20 years later and then remarried and have been together another 20 years. He said that he did all the MLCr things (OW, $$, etc.) - but his wife, as the LBS was consistently herself throughout it all. She was consistent, faithful, etc. - and whatever the outcome she wasn't changing who she was. She even met the other woman and in a dignified manner told her the way it was.

I know there are no guarantees - but I have to figure out who I am in all of this - I know I am a stander at least for the next couple of years - because I am a mother to a teenage boy and I have girls in their early 20's. I feel like I HAVE to model for them the importance of the marital vows - even in the face of darkness. I feel like if I give in now ~ they will never know the power of recovery and forgiveness.

Do I sound crazy to you?