At My Good Friend Puppy's request

[Hope4us]

In my sitch, I guess I am not sure if it's not being patient or just not wanting to allow cake-eating. Such a fine line! I keep leaning more towards being tougher... if you don't want to work on the M, get out. That's why I hesitate to allow H to stay in the house if he is still feeling "wayward". Yet, I know it takes time to come around. Even S16 agrees that it is emotional abuse for H to stay in the home with always looking toward the door....

I just am trying to stay reasonable but not cake eating so that he doesn't have to make a decision.

Sunny, Go back and read # 4 in my first post on this thread.

IF the A is over, you need to be PATIENT!

After the A is over, waywards will still act/feel wayward for quite some time. I'm not saying it never happens that once the A is over the wayward snaps out of it and immediately wants to work on the marriage. Cause it does. But those cases are very rare.

My advise given what you've said....keep an eye on him to make sure he's not in contact with the OW. If he's not in contact with her, then detaching yourself from his chit is the most important thing you can do. Do FAMILY things with your kids and invite your H to join in. If he does, great, if he doesn't, his loss.

5 months after my W's A ended, we went to Disney World as a family. There were a number of days on the trip when my W just laid in bed most of the day (big time WD). Did the kids and I just stay in the room and do nothing? Heck no! We went to parks, went swimming, had a blast. Maybe once a day on those 3 days she stayed in the room I'd send her a picture text message of something fun we were doing. By the last of those 3 days she stayed in the room she was TM'ing me and the boys within a half hour of us leaving.

You've got kids. GAL with them. IGNORE his moods. He's got his own chit to deal with and you forcing him to make a decision RIGHT NOW may or may not work. That's why detaching and GAL are so important.

Look, you can show him what he's going to be missing if he leaves without forcing him to make the decision YOU want him to make at this point.

Like Puppy said above, I believe in the hard line approach in busting up the A, but once the A is busted, you'll need more patience and compassion than you ever thought possible. If you can't handle you two living together without him being committed to you, then separate and go dark. Let him miss you. That approach does work sometimes. But from what I've read, that approach works best when the A is on going because it makes your spouse get all their needs met by the OP and most of the time the OP fails. IF the A is truly over you're better off being in the same house, detaching and GAL like crazy and letting him SEE what he'll be missing.

But like I said in an earlier post, only you know your H and only you can decide which path to take.

Hope this helps.