And my wife and I had another talk, where I mentioned that is was SO HYPOCRITICAL to mention adultery. She said "We are still married and that means we can't sleep with other people. I am NOT going to, and it will be a period of celibacy".
"A period of celibacy"? Why? Because she commands it?
Newsflash: once she filed for divorce, she forfeited her right to exclusivity. She broke the marital contract and thus surrendered her monogamous claim.
Besides, if she's "done" with the relationship, why does she care who you sleep with? It's none of her business!
Don't know what your state's laws are regarding adultery, but if it doesn't make any difference legally, I might even mention that you already have women giving you their phone numbers, so you won't be lonely for long. Let her chew on that one for a bit...
Don't know what your state's laws are regarding adultery, but if it doesn't make any difference legally, I might even mention that you already have women giving you their phone numbers, so you won't be lonely for long. Let her chew on that one for a bit...
Don't play games with her. She wants to play, little reindeer games, fine. You be the rock.
I prefer a simple, "I am not going to take dating advice from my estranged wife".
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Question : When she started playing like she was being civil (and it was a game, she wasn't being civil.. She's lying to you and you know that.. It's an act, its not civility, its manipulation) was her mother present?
She was COMPLETELY NICE, and civil, and even vulnerable. WHEREAS, when her mom is not there, she doesn't even speak to me and is the complete OPPOSITE.
Quote:
How was she behaving when her mother was there?
She was perfectly civil, and she was totally calm. Got a little emotional when talking to me alone, but all in all very calm.
The WHOLE thing is with her mom:
Her mom says my decision to stay in the house hurts EVERYONE, my wife, and her and her dad. I said "It was my wife's choice to move out, so why should I give up my house?"
She said "Did you ever ask yourself WHY she wants to move out? Did you ever ask yourself WHAT ROLE YOU played in all of this?"
She said I am a "taker" and not a "giver" and that she "feels used in all of this" because I went to her for support and now I am staying in the house and she feels it's hurting EVERYONE immensely.
And my wife said "You won't be DONE with me until you sell this house, sign the divorce papers, and split our cell phone accounts. I will be in your life until those 3 things are done".
"All I want is my name off the mortgage, and I don't care how long you drag out the divorce, I just don't want to pay the mortgage and rent. Until then I have the right to come and go in this house and make sure it is taken care of."
They BOTH keep saying to me "Your actions speak a whole lot louder than your words".
Last edited by Quicksilver264; 08/08/1002:31 PM.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
She said "Did you ever ask yourself WHY she wants to move out? Did you ever ask yourself WHAT ROLE YOU played in all of this?"
In the marriage problems prior to the affairs and nastiness?
I would have stopped her right there. Yes, I know that I played a role in any marriage problems in the past, but I am not responsible for her affairs, online sex chats, and quite frankly... unbecoming behavior. That's all her. If we weren't married and I didn't know her but knew she did that stuff, I wouldn't think it was decent behavior for a respectable woman.
Quote:
She said I am a "taker" and not a "giver" and that she "feels used in all of this" because I went to her for support and now I am staying in the house and she feels it's hurting EVERYONE immensely.
And my wife said "You won't be DONE with me until you sell this house, sign the divorce papers, and split our cell phone accounts. I will be in your life until those 3 things are done".
"All I want is my name off the mortgage, and I don't care how long you drag out the divorce, I just don't want to pay the mortgage and rent. Until then I have the right to come and go in this house and make sure it is taken care of."
Let the divorce attorneys and court handle this. That's why there is a legal process.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 08/08/1002:38 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
The fact that her mother has to be present for her to be civil shows you pretty clear it is an act.
I am getting sick of their mindreading so you must be too.
You staying in that house isn't hurting anyone...
He mother is a mess and uninformed. Ignore her.
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I honestly don't think this mind reading is anything more than a smoke screen. Your wife wants money and wants to make your life as miserable as her life feels so they put pressure on you.
I think your wife knows you are fed up with her given the remark about you seeing someone else.
I don't think this "you aren't done" game of theirs is about you being done at all. What does your wife care if you are "done" or not anyways? Why is that so bloody important to her?
She's got her own home, the home will be sold eventually. She's got her D filed. QS what on earth does your wife care if you are DONE or not?
You know what I think? I think she still is attracted to you and it bugs the hell out of her. I think all the work you've done and how maturely you have handled yourself has impressed her. I think when she complains about you not being done she's ASKING if you are...
What a freakin child... Way too damn proud to simply apologize and negotiate.
Yup, if you aren't done with her, she has a lot of growing up to do... And her mother too. You don't want to get into that wasps nest without your wife getting some very serious therapy.
Don't worry, there are ways to show your wife you are "done" if that's what you want her convinced of.
Q : How long did you stand there and take that brow beating from those two?
Did you yell back or just let it slide off?
What did you tell them if anything?
I am thinking you should put a letter together that you will send her and her mother... Let me work on what it could say... you can always not bother sending it, but let me see if I can write something up.
Q : How long did you stand there and take that brow beating from those two?
About 15 minutes. They came at me pretty hard, but I just stood there like a ROCK, like I had NO EMOTION and listened what they had to say. I stood up for myself when necessary, and DID NOT BACK DOWN. Her mom was more furious than I have EVER seen in 9 years.
I just let it all bounce off my suit or armor. I was damn near indestructible.
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Did you yell back or just let it slide off?
I told them that I just did not want to see her anymore, and to please respect my space and allow me to move on. I did NOT raise my voice ONCE.
But her mom said "Now I am seeing what she must have seen all these years. You are a taker and not a giver, and you don't even consider her in your actions".
And they also said "you can't move on until you buy her out or sell this house. And sign the divorce papers. You will be tied to her as long as those things still need to be done".
Quote:
What did you tell them if anything?
I told them that I was working on solutions for myself about the house, and that I'm sorry if my decisions hurt them, but I am looking out for me and my home.
They both keep telling me that I don't "make sense" when I say I want to be "done", but still want to be in the house.
I WANT to stay in this gorgeous home. I don't have the pay right now to refinance and buy her out. I was FORCED into this divorce. Therefore, I will take steps to protect my home and that allow me time to find a better job in order to keep the house. Her decision was to move out, and I cannot control that. But I can control me finding a new job, stepping up, and doing what I feel is best for me.
Last edited by Quicksilver264; 08/08/1003:07 PM.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
I think the biggest hypocricy that you could have called her on is
Let me get this straight.. I can't bring a date into my home but you can have sex chats over the internet with married men in our home?
Nice try, I think I'll do as I please.
I missed this post here.
SHE SAYS "There is a difference between photos/sex chats/phone sex and PHYSICAL CONTACT. She said she can't and won't have physical contact with anyone else, but anything other than that is HER business.
Just like she said she can "date" people but won't sleep with them.
A whole lot of rationalizing going on here.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
