Wife filed for divorce...Is there still hope?

[LSG]

My W wants to take the kids to this theme type place. She told D that I could go if I can pay for myself. I guess we will see where everything will be after the hearing. I think things are looking good for me. I just want it over. I need some type of life to move on completely. I know now that D from her is the only way for me to find peace and happiness. I just don't believe that trust would be found again. I would worry about the next time if we did reconcile for any reason.

I still have a little bit of hope, but it is less everyday.

I have moments of missing her still, but they are less strong and often. I am very disappointed that there was nothing I could do to the save the marriage. I know it is not over, but it feels that way to me.

[LSG]

DanF,

I appreciate the kind thoughts from you. I do hope to find a job everyday. I wish I did not need any support from her. It just makes me ill thinking about it. If I have a job, I will have independence, and I will feel better about myself. I will do my best to never be out of work again, ever.

I have grown through this, but it has taken its toll on me. I look like and feel like a shell of my former self. The weight lost and the lack of sleep has left me looking not as healthy as I would like. I will work hard to eat better and sleep better when this over. I hope it is soon. I am still in financial debt that will take time to resolve. It won't be easy, but I have to do it.

DanF - You sound better, and I am glad you are not letting your sitch get away from you. Just try to find your own happiness.

[DanF]

Thanks LSG,

hang tough. you will get through this and have a much better relationship with someone new soon. I am starting to realize that myself.

[LSG]

DanF,

Thanks DanF. I am doing my best. It is going to be a long week. W and OM are becoming very bold and brazen tonight. He dropped W off in front of our apartment and waited a while. I think that they may be trying to get a reaction from me or hope that I will slip up. It is not going to happen.

It is upsetting because my kids saw this and his car they have seen before. They were very much attached to me tonight. They wanted to go to pizza, and W has all the money, so they asked her to take them, and I went whether she liked it or not. I did not ask. I am going to be with my kids and spend time with them. She offered me water, and I just said no thanks because she knows I like soda and would not buy one for me. I did eat some pizza. I can't starve. Just a little over a week to the hearing. I have to make it no matter what. She was very uphappy and did not spend very much time with kids and just sat at the table. Kids had fun with me.

I think I am really getting to her. I do not react to her. I act to my situation, and I will continue to do this. I have too much with the kids to lose.

I am going to take them to the park and to the pound with W. I wish she was not going, but it will be fun anyways. Kids did not seem to want to be with her tonight. They seem to like to be with me. They felt insecure with their mommy getting a ride with another man. I think what she is doing is just wrong. It is having the opposite effect. I am more determined to follow through with no regrets or remorse.

My kids need me to protect them from this life they did not ask for, and as their Father, I will make sure I do that.

W just seems so depressed and unhappy with what is happening. I guess she realizes I will not give up ever.

I am concerned about what she and OM are up to with him dropping her off right in front of the apartment. It is just plain scary. I have to watch my back. He might try to play hero and come after me. If he does, it will be good because I will have a restraining order placed on him, and it will keep him away from my kids.

I missed a family reunion because of this, and the kids are disappointed. I have to live with that this year. My kids are more important to me right now.

[LSG]

I guess W figures if all else fails, she will starve me out. Literally, when we do stuff together with the kids, she excludes me from having anything to eat. I do not fight it. I just live with it, but kids do see this treatment, and I think it is setting a bad impression for son. Daughter and son do not seem to have much respect for their mom even though they love her. She is making some fatal mistakes. Son wanted to be with me because he thinks I am very nice to spend so much time with him. Daughter too. They seem to like the fact that it is not about money with me, but it is real love for them that I have.

I really want a job so bad. I hate being dependent on W for anything, and I have for some time. I just want out of the marriage with my kids, and a job. That would make me so happy to just be my own person without her. I have no respect for her anymore, and an ounce of love left is all that remains of our almost 9 year M. It will be little more than a week until our hearing, and I have to remain optimistic that everything will be okay for me and the kids.

I don't how to DB my M with the path that the M has taken.

[idontunderstand]

...and I have to remain optimistic that everything will be okay for me and the kids.

Yes you do, LSG. The amount of time you spend with them and the way you interact with them is inspiring. They will not forget it.

It's so easy to keep getting let down. You know from following me that I have way too many moments of that myself. Keep your head up and love your kids like there's no tomorrow. I know that you do!

They seem to like the fact that it is not about money with me, but it is real love for them that I have.

I love it! The kids are not blind by any means. THEY KNOW!!

Remember, the low times happen less often and you recover more quickly.

I'm proud of you and you will get a break soon with the job. Hang in there!!

[LSG]

IDU,

I appreciate you checking in on me today. I have been having a hard time writing about my sitch the past couple of days.

I do want a job, and I always have during the whole time of my marriage. I would always take seriously every interview, and I would do my best. It just seems that even at my best, it just does not land me the position. It is a hard to know I am the best, but I do not have the opportunity to show it on the job. I have to keep trying.

I just have keep trying my best, and I will eventually have a good job one day. It is too bad that it will be after the marriage has ended, and she thinks that I have not tried my best, but I have. Only if she knew.

I am hoping that the hearing will go the right direction for me. It is just a week away. I am a little nervous.

I hope to have a nice day today!

[pinhead]

Hang in there. If today isn't so hot, look for tomorrow to be better. Besides, you live in the land of the In N Out. I live in the land of the Cornhuskers. Where would you rather be?

[LSG]

PH,

Thanks. Good point.

[LSG]

Today, I was just kind of not feeling too much, but the evening was better. Kids and I just did some laundry and relaxed at home. I did take them for a walk. I helped bake some cookies that w brought home tonight.

I have been kind of worried about what to do for my sons birthday with absolutely no money. W told me I could go to Disneyland with them if I have money, but I don't have any, so I guess I won't She knows this. He has been telling me that he wants me to go to San Diego SeaWorld next time and for W to buy me a ticket, but she says nothing. I told him to go and have fun. He said "he does not want to go without me."