Hi newgal! No apologies for "jumping in"- I've been wondering where everyone is and why they're not here! Seriously, I want input and dialogue- that's why most of us post.
Originally Posted By: newgal
Anyone else stuck in this "I need to move on, but this wasn't what I wanted and now *I'm* the one leaving b/c I can't stand the limbo anymore"?? _________________________
Nikita - yes, yes, yes.
This what I tell myself:
I don't want to be the one to leave, this is not what I wanted, but neither do I want to be in a marriage where my husband doesn't want me. What choice do I have?
For me, it has just gotten to the point where it is too painful to stay together. But I have been at this a long time, 2 years and 3 months, and it has taken me this long to get to this point, where I really feel I am able to let go. My heart has fought my head, kicking and screaming for 27 months . Not sure how long you have been dealing with your situation.
Well, things haven't been great for awhile. We've been in therapy off and on for years. The last year has been hard. My mother (accidentally) burned down our house in October the first and only night we've ever left her overnight with our D. Things were already fragile and ironically, I felt a stronger team then than I had in a LONG time - pulling together with H in a tough time. We were in therapy and I was getting warning signs but he kept saying, verbatim "If I'd wanted to D you, I'd already have done it." Right up until a few weeks before the bomb. So it was still somewhat of a bomb. That was in March.
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Nikita, I have a 9 and a half year old. He was 7 when we told him that Daddy was moving out because "mom and dad weren't getting along." He didn't buy it because we never fought. Since then, son and I have had countless conversations about "Why doesn't Daddy love you the right way?" My son asks a lot of questions and I answered him as truthfully and honestly as I could but as gently as I could. He's also old enough that he can now see that "daddy doesn't act like he loves mommy." I think he gets it a little, although it is not what he wants either. Your child is much younger and probably won't understand at all. That can be better in some ways and worse in some ways I think.
Thanks for the input. You're right, there are different pluses and minuses at each age (not like this is ever good for any kids at all). We also don't fight openly and I know D has no idea anything is amiss. It kills me to think she'll think any of this is her fault. I think at 3 the only explanation they could come up with- since in their world, adults do whatever we want and make all the rules- is that when I'm not with her, it's b/c I don't WANT to be w/her, which kills me.
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Sorry to jump in here since I don't actively post on the board. Hugs to you. There are so many people here who know what you are going through.
no worries. I'd love to hear more from you and will try to go check out your posts.
