Gardener - I'm so glad to hear your brother's ok. Wakeup call indeed. I love your mantra. I'm so sorry the rollercoaster is active again.
((((hugs)))
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
Gardener, I am similar in a lot of ways. STBXW I suspect was sexually abused as a teen and her parents had a terrible marriage so there were lots of issues I didn't realize I was battling -- along with my own -- until it was perhaps too late.
The longer I go without seeing or hearing from STBXW the more I think about those things and ... hope that she'll somehow, someday get better and that'll mean a return to me.
But then I see her or hear from her and realize, like another poster put it, that she's like an Alzheimer's patient. It's the same beautiful face and body, but the person I married is gone.
The difference between us is that you don't have kids tying you together. I do. I see that Alzheimer's patient entirely too much. I'd rather she just be a memory now.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
What movie is that clip from? What was pulling Al Pacino back in? I get why YOU posted it, but I was just wondering!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
The longer I go without seeing or hearing from STBXW the more I think about those things and ... hope that she'll somehow, someday get better and that'll mean a return to me.
But then I see her or hear from her and realize, like another poster put it, that she's like an Alzheimer's patient. It's the same beautiful face and body, but the person I married is gone.
Exactly. I'm the exact same on both counts. How does it make sense that at times the more I don't see her, the more I do think of her?
And, yes, when I do see her is when I face the stark reality that the person I think of and remember does not exist anymore.
Snodderly was right:
Originally Posted By: Snodderly
Your only choice for healing and renewal is to go on as if she were dead."
As was Susan J. Elliot in Getting Past Your Breakup: "But above all else: forget this person you fell in love with. They are never coming back. The person who left you is more in line with who this person really is than the person you fell in love with."
Peace
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
I am so terribly sorry about your brother but filled with much happiness to read your full report. It is an amazing aspect of life when we are granted, as a gift (and yes, they are gifts) a wake up call. Sometimes the wake up calls are gentle nudges but I tend to believe sometimes they *have* to be far more intense for us to "get it".
The human body and mind are amazingly resilient, no? We so often strain ourselves with unhealthy acts be it poor eating habits or damaging thought patterns. Somehow though are body, our internal systems, still keep giving us opportunities to choose something different.
I tend to agree and can actually really relate to what somebody else said... when one major life event happens it somehow seems to reactivate very deep feelings about the WAS. I recently told a friend that my H is my "go to" thought when I am pissed off. The scar he helped create is so "infected" that any other issues in my life (ones that have NOTHING to do with him) seem to carry me back to the raging infection that is *him*. I fully admit that is not healthy or probably not fair but the trauma of infidelity and divorce courses through us for a very long time.
On Friday I had a meltdown of epic proportions. I cried for hours and eventually fell in to such a deep sleep I heard nothing. Purging to the point of exhaustion was what I needed in that moment of time. It doesn't matter why it happened. My mind and body sent me a message that on that day, something had to give. And maybe that is what you are experiencing... a similar kind of purging that your mind and body know you need.
One can't move forward until they clear the sh*t from the road that stands in front of them. Maybe that is what your mind is helping you do.
I send the very best wishes to your brother and his family and of course to you as you make room on the road that is in front of you.
