MM, you and I have some of the same issues. My hubby is a pathologist and we moved away from my home and friends for his job when he got out of residency. He changed after our daughter was born, our second child. He started drinking and was depressed. I just found out about an affair he has been having with a friend of mine, he has moved out, but has said so many of the things your hubby has said to you. Hang in there. There are programs for physicians to deal with the pressure they face. He needs to be reminded who supported him throughout med school and residency and who will be there through the end. You don't need to change who you are, because if you are the same person, he needs to realize what he is messing up.
He needs to find the support at work to get help. Most medical practices have confidential hotlines because this happens a lot.
Me: 34 H: 34 S: 8 D: 5 M: 10 yrs T: 12 yrs Affair: 7-1-10 (lasted 2 months, I caught him by reading emails, there was no sign of stopping until I caught him) S: 7-16-10
