Relocated the family and he dropped the bomb

[MM78]

Wanted to add that he and 'BFF' still text all day. She texts him every single morning at 5am when she gets up. I asked him why he responds and he said 'something to do'. But they are still very much in contact. I know 2 weeks ago that his other friend (I am friends with this friend's wife) asked if she talked to my H and she said 'not really he's going through family problems and doesn't want to talk to me right now'. But I guess she got him to respond again eventually. Had said during those first 3 nights of talking that she was the only good thing in his life right now and he wasn't ready to give her up. BUT he admits that the relationship will not go anywhere, he is not attracted to her, after she is done this year and moves next year they will have nothing in common.


Last Monday he mentioned he wanted to go back to our home town to visit people and when I asked who he said one of his male friends and her. I didn't say anything then.

If this comes up again and he wants to go visit her how am I supposed to handle that? Am I really supposed to try to let him just 'be free'? I'm not sure if I can do that. I feel like how can you even think of leaving your family in a new city (that we moved to for YOUR job) to go visit this person you claim you 'love' who is not your wife? I feel like we need to figure out more where WE are at before he sees her again. I am not sure I would handle a whole weekend down here in the new town by myself knowing he was going to visit with her back at home.

More to add: We are in this new town and he chose this position so we could move away from her and family so that we could work on being happier as a family. He said we moved here and now he's not happy, to which I said relocating wasn't going magically change anything we need to communicate and work on things. He also chose this place because no where in the entire STATE is there a job for the specialty she is going into. So she cannot come here next year at all. I don't understand how for the past year he conscientiously wanted to move us here and wanted our family to work out and then 12 days into being here decides it's not working.

Also, he has said he hates life. He hates his new job, he hates this place, hate himself. So I take a small comfort in the fact that it's not ME that is making him depressed. I just happen to be here and am the only one he can take it out on. He is depressed all around and I have told him that we can't be happy together until both of us are happy individually. I support him and am here to help in any way for him to find happiness. Like I said above, in the meantime I am trying to work on making myself happier. He is still smoking (but has cut back) and drinks a few beers each night. And in the interest of total honesty here so that I can get the best help from all of you that have BTDT, we did have sex one night last week. I asked him if he was interested - purely from a physical perspective not emotional. I made it clear it wasn't a ploy to get him to say he loved me or anything, I was just interested in doing that and he agreed to. However he has said that in general he doesn't like to be touched or held and would be find never having sex again. (I think maybe some of that is due to him being depressed.)