Re-Alpha dog. Definitely agree. I'm definitely the alpha dog in our house, and that's always been a conflict with my W who thinks she's a tough broad.
I brought home some floorplans for 1BD apts from a nearby complex, and gave them to my W. She looked at them, and then got upset when she realized how small and expensive they were. I guess she thought that she was going to be able to move into a Spa Resort. Later on she said "Neither place has a playground and the apt won't have much room for the girls to play in." I said "I don't know what you want me to say." with a shrug, and she blew up. "I'm just thinking of the girls!" Sure, that's why you're running away from your M, and taking them away from their father for 50% of their nights.
Maybe I'm detaching, or just enjoying that the shoe is on the other foot right now, but I don't have a huge amount of sympathy. I understand her pain, and wish she wasn't in such distress, but short of moving out myself (NOT HAPPENING) she needs to get used to a lower standard of living. This is a choice she's making, and she needs to learn that choices have consequences. I always used to joke with her that Men Have Responsibilities, and Women Have Options. (Nobody throw tomatoes please).
She was upset through most of dinner, with the reality of it sinking in. Now I know why she was avoiding a decision, though her mind really had been made up 47 days ago. It's scary. Almost as scary as realizing your wife doesn't love you anymore, and is breaking her vows.
Anyways, enough of that. I'm setting some boundaries too. During our discussion, she mention that her best friend had been separated, then reconciled. She mentioned another couple that did the same. At the time I didn't say anything, but tonight I told her that I didn't like her saying things like that. That it was a misguided attempt to be nice to me, to "let me down easy." She apologized and agreed.
I've also decided (though haven't told her yet) that I don't want her discussing her male coworkers antics/hobbies etc. around me. I think it's inappropriate, and borderline EA. So the next time that comes up, I'll say the same thing I did with the "let me down easy." stuff. I'm sure that'll provoke an argument about how her friends are so important to her, but that's my boundary, and I'm sticking to it!
Also, we're not doing anything legal. This is going to be simply a physical separation. She knows that I can nuke her finances and likewise, so I think that we'll be ok. We'll also be doing joint budget reconciliation, so we can keep an eye on each other. As Ronnie said to Gorby, Trust but Verify.
She's out now, getting some space and looking at the apts in the area.
My biggest fear is that she'll drag this out, waiting for her favorite townhome to become available. I won't let that happen. Ideally, I'd like her to be out sometime in late Aug, early Sept. I don't want it near Oct, as my youngest's birthday is Oct1, and I don't want her associating her birthday with this wonderful event. Any later than that and we'll be bumping into holidays, plus I'll go postal. And that would be a pinheaded thing to do...
